Friday, March 06, 2009

Improvise... Adapt... Overcome
No matter the circumstances, you can always win


For those that didn't know, I work in a center for handicapped children. Everything from slight to severe/profound MR, to cerebral palsy. And being only one of two Phallo-Americans who work there (see, I can be PC when needed), sometimes I'm reminded that men and women don't always speak the same language.

Case in point; with today being a Teacher Work-Day, I can either stay indoors and participate in a "paint party" with a rather large gaggle of Gyno-Americans (of whom a large percentage are undoubtedly PMS'ing) replete with protestations of "my nails!", "there's paint in my hair!", and the ever popular "does anyone have an extra tampon?"

All week long, my self-lamentations have boiled down to "Friday's gonnna suck". I can literally hear my sperm count dropping.

Luckily, I was given a reprieve. I could opt to head outside and do some landscaping. After a quick package check to remind myself that I am, in fact, the male of the species, landscaping it is.

Unfortunately, I don't have a pick-axe. Shovel, saw, wheelbarrow... check, check, check. Still SOL on a pick-axe. So I start asking the gals at work if any of their husbands should happen to own one.

The conversation went something like this;

Kevin: "Hey, [Unnamed Anonymous Chick Who Shall Remain Unnamed], does your husband have a pick-axe?"

UACWSRU: "You mean an axe for cutting down trees?"

Kevin: "No, a pick-axe."

UACWSRU: "You mean one of those long nail-looking thingees?"

Kevin: "No... (starting to get exasperated) a pick-axe."

UACWSRU: "I give-up. What's a pick-axe?"

Kevin: (As I imitate swinging a pick-axe over my head and hitting the ground, I break into song): "IIIIIIIIIII've been workin' on the raiiiiiiiilroad. ALLLLLLLL the live-long DAYYYYYYYYYY!"

UACWSRN: (The lights come on) "Ohhhhh.... a PICK-AXE!!"
I'm so glad the Marine Corps taught me to think on my feet.

2 Comments:

Blogger Cookie said...

LOL!!!

I could... SORT OF... see you doing that? The mental image is both hilarious and disturbing...

10:02 AM  
Blogger AlephGamma said...

Vir, you are most correct. This fact that men and women use language very differently in my opinion is a secret that most men should be taught by other men - normally their fathers. It has been my experience that generations of men raised by women has bred the idea that there's a pseudo leveled field where some phallo-americans believe that woman-talk is normal. The imperative (eg. 'Go!') always has to be hedged around them, otherwise we are rude or just say things in the wrong 'tone'. Other forms of language are always completely without meaning or are used incorrectly when analyzed, "Would you like to take out the trash?".

Years of men being fed a constant gruel of "Rabbit Run" doesn't help either.

1:00 PM  

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