The Lair of the Catholic Caveman

The Car Crash of Blogs. You Don't Want To, But You Just Can't Help But Look

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

As Seen On Late Night Infomercials
Helmet tip to The Peoples Cube



Barney Frank: Voters always laughed at the size of my reputation, but then I discovered Stimulus Package. I quickly gained a reputation that makes the voters scream. It grew 50% in just one week and I am a changed man...

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Charles Schumer: The voters go wild and crazy once they see the size of my Stimulus Package.
I love how they say I got pork. I love multiple media orgasms. Forget about fake enthusiasm - the Stimulus Package will keep it strong, firm, and long-lasting.

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Chris Dodd: You will be absolutely amazed when you see your economy gradually becoming LARGER and LARGER, right before your eyes! NOTHING compares to the feeling of having a larger economy. I don't know where my career would've been without the Stimulus Package!

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Joe Biden: Like many other politicians, I was not happy with the flexible, unpredictable economy and my voters shared my view. I always wanted it to be bigger and more controllable. I spent many years and taxpayer dollars looking for a safe and effective method till I finally found something that worked!

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Nancy Pelosi: The size of your Stimulus Package is everything when it comes to impressing the voters. The best way to keep them happy is with a huge bailout. It's also a way to longer lasting, more satisfying elections.

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Union guy: I am not an economist, I am just a Union boss who was unhappy with the size of my benefit package. The Economy Enlargement Stimulus changed that. I am now the talk of the town, keeping my members amazed by the bulge in my pocket that grows larger and larger. I am finally able to give every working girl in the neighborhood a pearl necklace they always talk about.

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posted by Kevin Whiteman at 3:30 PM

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Ora Pro Nobis

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Our Lady of Akita
"The work of the devil will infiltrate even into The Church"
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