Wednesday, March 04, 2009

As Seen On Late Night Infomercials
Helmet tip to The Peoples Cube



Barney Frank: Voters always laughed at the size of my reputation, but then I discovered Stimulus Package. I quickly gained a reputation that makes the voters scream. It grew 50% in just one week and I am a changed man...

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Charles Schumer: The voters go wild and crazy once they see the size of my Stimulus Package.
I love how they say I got pork. I love multiple media orgasms. Forget about fake enthusiasm - the Stimulus Package will keep it strong, firm, and long-lasting.

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Chris Dodd: You will be absolutely amazed when you see your economy gradually becoming LARGER and LARGER, right before your eyes! NOTHING compares to the feeling of having a larger economy. I don't know where my career would've been without the Stimulus Package!

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Joe Biden: Like many other politicians, I was not happy with the flexible, unpredictable economy and my voters shared my view. I always wanted it to be bigger and more controllable. I spent many years and taxpayer dollars looking for a safe and effective method till I finally found something that worked!

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Nancy Pelosi: The size of your Stimulus Package is everything when it comes to impressing the voters. The best way to keep them happy is with a huge bailout. It's also a way to longer lasting, more satisfying elections.

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Union guy: I am not an economist, I am just a Union boss who was unhappy with the size of my benefit package. The Economy Enlargement Stimulus changed that. I am now the talk of the town, keeping my members amazed by the bulge in my pocket that grows larger and larger. I am finally able to give every working girl in the neighborhood a pearl necklace they always talk about.

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