Friday, March 31, 2006

The Theology Of Alfred E. Newman
What, me be Catholic?

First, I wrote about the Theology of Punctuation. Then I touched on the Theology of Velcro. From there, it was the Theology of Victimization.

I now give to you, the Theology of Alfred E. Newman. Yeah, you guessed it. The latest and greatest figures are out on those 'momentary lapses in judgment' by sodomite 'priests'. The bishops themselves admit to 783 new credible claims last year, most of which date back decades, and costs of nearly $467 million just for those claims. And get ready for this... homosexual abuse by so-called 'priests' have topped more than $1 billion.

Sheesh, a BILLION samolians sure could have kept more than a few parishes open, ya think? But who am I to question the stalwart leadership and wisdom of such fine fellows Cardinal Roger The Dodger Mahoney, Cardinal Bernard Above The Law or Archbishop Rembert $450,000 Is A Small Amount To Pay To Keep My Boyfriend Quiet Weakland?

And what balloon juice do we get from these same wonderful 'leaders' and their ilk? "As long as he's celibate, it shouldn't matter", "there's no homosexual sub-culture in THIS diocese!", "those who rigidly adhere to Catholic teaching are ill suited for the priesthood", etc, etc, make me puke...

Do these guys honestly think that we're buying off on this bill of goods that they've sold us? Do they really think that we're all that monumentally stupid? Or could it just possibly be that they all adhere to The Theology of Alfred E. Newman?


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