Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Southern Fried Catholicism
Cornbread, Sweet Tea, Collard Greens... all the fixin's!

God bless my South Carolina born and bred wife, or as she calls herself, a 'Confederate-American'. My dear wife's a convert and has the fervent faith of a convert. But like she says "I never converted, I just returned to the Faith of my ancestors". Truer words were never spoken.

But anyhow, back to the point.

My wife doesn't have very much of a Southern accent. Until she gets mad. And when she gets mad, it's a slow, deliberate, ever increasingly Southern accented mad. Then there is no doubt in anyone's mind that this particular Flower of The South has thorns... and knows how to use them. The phrase "duck for cover" comes to mind.

During a recent visit to her sister's back in Charleston, my wife's exceptionally Southern Baptist brother-in-law was asking her questions about Catholicism. The Old Girl handled herself wonderfully. She had bro-in-law stumped at every turn.

Unfortunately, none of the answers my wife gave were acceptable to bro-in-law. He was steadfast in his obstinacy, and the wife was getting pretty steamed concerning said obstinacy. It all came down to bro-in-law making the comment "I just don't understand why you Catholics have to kneel so much!"

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. The Stars and Bars Mushroom Cloud made it's arrival. The exact quote my dear wife gave was (keep in mind, the accent gets thicker in direct parallel to her anger);

"When that priest raises that Consecrated Host and says "This Is Mah Body", you had bettah DROP TO YO KNEES IN REVERENCE! DO YOU UNDUH-STAYAND THAT!?

For a second there, I thought she was going to call him a Damn Yankee.


Blogger Tito said...

That was funny!

Did your bro-in-law convert?

5:05 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

Psalm 94(95) is a good biblical citation for kneeling...

5:31 PM  
Blogger The Digital Hairshirt said...

Now, Caveman, this here Yankee (after making Eden, God created da Bronx) is traveling this summer into the heart of Tennessee - anything I should do other than refrain from saying, "Boy, I'm schvitzing like you can't believe - fuggedahbouit! Any 'a youse guys got a cold soder t'drink?"

I have to say, I am impressed by how things are handled in the Diocese of Knoxville.

7:06 PM  
Blogger Former Altar Boy said...

That one made me laugh out loud. Having lived and traveled in the South for some years, I could hear her accent just fine.

And thank God your daughter looks like her!

7:57 PM  
Blogger Brother James said...

Man, I've got Pringles shrapnel up in my nostils after reading that. My mom's from Kentucky, and she'd get rolling just like that. My dad, on the other hand, was from New Hampshire. My linguistic twist was "Where'd y'all pahk the cah?"
After moving around the east coast, texas, hawaii, florida, and now Nebraska, I've ditched any discernable accent. I'm still partial to folk south of the Mason Dixon line, I'd take Zell Miller over John Kerry any day.

10:15 PM  
Blogger K T Cat said...

Dude, this San Diego cat isn't into all that picking North / South sides and stuff. We're, like, totally in tune with the waves, instead. I really liked your post, though. It rocked.

I'm, like, all bookmarking your site and stuff.

10:48 PM  
Blogger Lana said...

Well, bless his pea pickin' heart! He's a slow learner and needs to be told a time or two I reckon:D As I recall the apostles were slow learners too, eh.

12:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heh. I can hear it, because I've probably yelled something similar, and my slight accent turns into full-blown drawl at the slightest provocation.

But there's something just not right about hearing the words of consecration in a southern accent, even for a southerner. We're so used to hearing Yankees say it.

1:31 PM  
Blogger The Crescat said...

a women after my own heart. You, sir, are one lucky man. :)

3:49 PM  
Blogger Arkanabar Ilarsadin said...

Just found this post. My own dear sweet wife is likewise a true-blue NC GRITS (Girl Raised In The South), and I can absolutely hear your wife in my head.

4:48 PM  
Blogger Hail3N1 said...

You tell your little Southern Belle for me , "You Go Girl!" What a shame that most, if not all, prots are inheritantly prejudice.

7:31 AM  

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