Southern Fried Catholicism
Cornbread, Sweet Tea, Collard Greens... all the fixin's!

God bless my South Carolina born and bred wife, or as she calls herself, a 'Confederate-American'. My dear wife's a convert and has the fervent faith of a convert. But like she says "I never converted, I just returned to the Faith of my ancestors". Truer words were never spoken.

But anyhow, back to the point.

My wife doesn't have very much of a Southern accent. Until she gets mad. And when she gets mad, it's a slow, deliberate, ever increasingly Southern accented mad. Then there is no doubt in anyone's mind that this particular Flower of The South has thorns... and knows how to use them. The phrase "duck for cover" comes to mind.

During a recent visit to her sister's back in Charleston, my wife's exceptionally Southern Baptist brother-in-law was asking her questions about Catholicism. The Old Girl handled herself wonderfully. She had bro-in-law stumped at every turn.

Unfortunately, none of the answers my wife gave were acceptable to bro-in-law. He was steadfast in his obstinacy, and the wife was getting pretty steamed concerning said obstinacy. It all came down to bro-in-law making the comment "I just don't understand why you Catholics have to kneel so much!"

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. The Stars and Bars Mushroom Cloud made it's arrival. The exact quote my dear wife gave was (keep in mind, the accent gets thicker in direct parallel to her anger);

"When that priest raises that Consecrated Host and says "This Is Mah Body", you had bettah DROP TO YO KNEES IN REVERENCE! DO YOU UNDUH-STAYAND THAT!?

For a second there, I thought she was going to call him a Damn Yankee.