Basebrawl, 2010

So, Simplex Vir is not a baseball fan...My initial impulse after reading his entry was to pick up my club and ask him to step outside the cave, but since we live in the era of appeasement, I decided to come up with a few 'innovations' to help him enjoy America's Pastime a wee bit more...Let's think Rollerball meets Baseball. I mean, CHANGE is good, right? Or...maybe we can call it Vatican II meets baseball...

Here we go...

1. Landmines

One or two placed in an undisclosed locations on the field and you have a whole new game.Just think how much more exciting the game would be if Derek Jeter were to go deep in the hole for a grounder...everyones thinking, a bang-bang close play at first, right? Well guess again...BLAM!!!

2. Attack Dogs

Every Catcher is dispatched with a Schutzhund trained German Shepard to keep base runners honest. Steal a base? You'd better be able to outrun Maxie!

3. Slingshots

Yeah I know, it sound juvenile, but arm the base coaches with a sling shot and 5 marbles each to be used at their discretion during the course of the game. Therewill be no such thing as a routine fly ball after that!

4. Abolish all interference rules
You're caught in a rundown and you want to stay in it long enough for the runner behind you to advance a base? They heck with this 'Pickle' crap, you can flatten the guy with the ball now!

5. Base runners get to carry their bats on the bases
This will make rule number 4 even more interesting!

6. Home Run Rule
You hit a HR? That's nice, you and your bat still have to get by the catcher and his dog. Base coaches with your sling shots might want to help out here.

7. No extra innings
Tie games are handled Battle Royal style, Manager and 5 players of his choosing face opposing team manager and his 5 picks to settle things at home plate. Once again, bats are welcome.

As a baseball purist, I am obviously writing this all in jest. But heck, I think I just might pitch this to Spike TV. I think I might have something!