Saturday, May 30, 2009

A Divergence Topic: STUPID BASEBALL

A touchy subject in the Cave due to "intellectual" fans of this moronic pastime!
This will be fun, because I know it will catch some heat from "real Americans" , BUT baseball is a silly playground game and not a sport.

Here are my top ten reasons baseball is stupid:

10. Both AL and NL don't even play by the same rules, stupid!

9. Absolutely nothing happens fast, except for the throwing of a ball.

8. Every fan talks about it being a "thinkers" game. But how can it be since the players have tons of time to think about the next play coming while waiting for the next pitch.

7. It is the only sport where stats become more important than the game result.

6. The umpires unlike other sports don't have to do anything but stand in one spot and watch, stupid.

5. The DEFENSE starts game play, uber-stupid.

4. In a game so long and boring the league decides they should play 162 times a season, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!

3. One of the most exciting plays in the game is when a hitter intentionally tries to hit it short and out run the fat lazy thrower guy on the mound.

2. In the best part of the game to me, charging the mound, the players come together and fight like a mad gang of women doin' the ol' windmill attack.

1. In a game so lame with hardly any physical exertion, the player still "Roid Up" to get an advantage.......PATHETIC!

I guess I am just not intellectual enough, I will be at the ice rink watching men hit each other at lightning speed or watching men wrestle (not the fake pro stuff). Oh and Caveness, matter of fact I don't like Apple Pie, I prefer cherry cheese cake!


Blogger Vir Speluncae Catholicus said...

matter of fact I don't like Apple Pie.

I just KNEW IT!!!!!!

That'll be 3 Paters, 3 Aves, and a pilgamage to the statue of Tony Gwynn at PetCo Park, San Diego.

12:07 PM  
Blogger Simplex Vir said...

Two outta three ain's bad!

12:15 PM  
Blogger Adeodatus49 said...

Hey! Baseball is just plain fun. Don't you remember the sand lot games we played as kids. Nothing better on the face of this planet, unless you want to count chasing girls.

OK . . . except for chasing girls! . . . OOPS! . . . I mean persons. LOL

4:17 PM  
Blogger TCN said...

Not just caveman--TROGLODYTE!!!

Baseball is by far the best of the sports, in just about every way. Watching baseball, particularly from the bleachers in the sun with several cheap beers, is probably the most sublime way to spend any afternoon.

Hockey is, of course, also marvelous, but if you can't like baseball, you might as well move to Canada. Your citizenship is in jeopardy.

4:51 PM  
Blogger chestertonian said...

"a pilgamage to the statue of Tony Gwynn at PetCo Park, San Diego."

Followed by a pilgrimage to the statues of Stan Musial and Lou Brock at Busch Statium in St. Louis.

8:36 PM  
Blogger nypd green said...

Sacrilege!I love baseball! I'll have to come up with some "improvements" to make the game more interesting for Simplex Vir!

8:39 PM  
Blogger Simplex Vir said...

TCN, You should read the list again I think. Baseball is not a sport.

Adeo, Yes I did play when I was kid again it is a playground game, like kickball or red rover, just not as much action.

Sheesh you people are brain washed!

8:41 PM  
Blogger Vir Speluncae Catholicus said...

A sport is any athletic event that involves a clear-cut winner and loser acheived by a skillfully and physically attained score, not arbitrarily granted by an official.

A few examples of not real sports are Synchronized Swimming, Ballroom Dancing, Diving. They would qualify as past times/hobbies.

Real sports are events such as Rugby, Golf, Hockey, and the greatest of them all... Baseball.

Much like hockey, there are teams, rules, a means of scoring through skill and physical ability and clear cut winners.

It may not be as "exciting" as many would prefer, but there simply is no question if it would qualify as a sport.

And Hockey is just as much as a kid's game as Baseball. I seem to recall Hockey having Pee-Wee leagues, etc. Just because kids participate, that doesn't make it a sport? If that's the criteria, I guess Hockey isn't a true sport either.

9:17 PM  
Blogger Simplex Vir said...

No where in my list did I say that kids play it made it a non-sport. I said that it is a playground game. I know kids play hockey, my son does and I have the empty wallet to prove it.

What is worse is the pinnacle game is the no-hitter. So these stupid teams actually TRY to achieve the MOST BORING OUTCOME POSSIBLE.

Good Grief!

10:10 PM  
Blogger Vir Speluncae Catholicus said...

Almost as boring as a few hours of watching guys skate back and forth... back and forth... back and forth.

And the end result is a 0-0 tie.


But I have to disagree. A possible no-hitter is one of the most exciting spectacles in sport. A perfect game is even more stunning.

But if you're not a Baseball fan, that's OK. It's not really that big of a deal. Just like me not liking Hockey.

Let's stick to important stuff... like how about reminding Anna to slide a coupla cookies and muffins my way tomorrow after Mass!!??

10:17 PM  
Blogger Al said...


Let's see anyone who is a true American loves (or at least likes) Mom, baseball, hot dogs & apple pie. You don't like baseball or apple pie. So, what about hot dogs? (I don't dare ask about Mom.)

Guys, I hate to say this, but Simplex is beginning to sound unAmerican! :-)

PS & while Cherry cheesecake is good, if I have my druthers I'll take Bueberry cheesecake. Or pumpkin pie, pecan pie, or mincemeat pie or a good steak or well you get the idea.

Of course the above doesn't preclude a single bit of the great Italiano food I learned to make as a kid.

10:38 PM  
Blogger Jay said...

I dare to suggest, that Baseball is not the only American sport that is just wasted under a whole host of meaningless stats. That sport you call football is another. What *is* it with Americans and stats in their sports??

1:18 PM  
Blogger Arkanabar T'verrick Ilarsadin said...

Jay -- it's obsessive theorizing in order to more profitably place bets.

I don't bet on sports. And there are really only two stats I can name:

First, Lon Haldeman rode the first 300 miles in the Great American Bike Race without sleeping. His competitors all took naps after 150. (see ).

Second, Bill Laimbeer played over 800 games. This was a man who showed up no matter what, and when he couldn't keep the schedule, he took an honorable retirement.

6:20 PM  
Blogger chestertonian said...

Hey simplex vir! Check this out!


11:35 PM  

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