Saturday, April 04, 2009

I HEARD A FUNNY THING ON THE WAY TO THE........

As I was driving back from Church from dropping my youngest namesake at his day of fast and service I heard one of the stupidest and sadest commercials for a local community non-denom church. It went something like this..........(my thoughts during commercial are in bold parentheses)

Are you missing something in your life? (Yes, wow how did you know? I have lost my favorite pen, and I just feel lost without it.)

Did you grow up in a house that did not have much of a faith life? (Well, this could be true, because I never saw my house go anywhere..ever. Probably because it was not a mobile home)

Maybe you have fallen away from your faith? (Well I did have to attend the Novus Ordo last week, but I don't think that is what they mean, check with Father just to make sure though.)

Maybe your old faith just isn't relevant and believes in old out-dated traditions? (OK, WTF, where the heck is this radio station I need to have a little talk to the programming manager.)

If you are one of the many searching you can find what you need here at Triangle Church of Me on Cafeworshitorium Drive. We have no structure, come dressed casual, we have great presentations and the best media and bible talks. Our music is the bomb and most important for you; We accept you as you are, you need some place where you can feel loved and wanted. We are relevant and up to date and will welcome you home. (Its all about me, oh boy, I really want to take a break from all this thinking about others I do all the time. Yeah I really need a break from spending so much time putting God first all week.)

This is what passes for Faith now in the Protestant community, the new law of the Protestant WIIFM (What's In It For Me) and their second rule regarding Catholic Churches NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard). That last question about out dated traditions is a direct attack on fallen away and poorly formed Catholics.

Diocese all over the US need to start a commercial campaign at it should be similar to this:

Are you worshiping yourself and those around you every Sunday?
Are you going to church so you can get credit for being seen so that the preacher doesn't send his goons to harass you during the week?
Are you tired of all the fancy lighting and PowerPoint presentations and the long bloviating ideas that spring forth from the pulpit?
Are you tired of going through preachers like you signed up for the preacher of the month club?
Are you tired of hearing, "My God is an Awesome God" played over and over again.
Are you searching for a faith that will require you to be the man or woman that God called you to be?
Are you looking for an opportunity to sacrifice and suffer for Christ?
Would you like to get as close to Jesus as humanly possible in this life?
Do you miss Tradition and Solemnity?

Come on down to your local Catholic Church (at least some) we will help you turn your thought and focus away from yourself and toward God as it was meant to be.

I would love to hear a commercial for a Catholic Church that just tells it like it is, no acceptance crap, no touchy feely crap about welcoming. It would be great just to hear on the radio:

Everybody will not go to heaven. We want you to get there. It will be hard and it will be demanding, much will be asked of you. You will have to sacrifice and suffer, but that is a small price to pay for eternal life in Heaven. Come join the Church Militant and help us win more souls!

It would be nice.

3 Comments:

Blogger Thomas L. said...

I have one confession which would be perfect if we were doing a public "Chapter of Errors."

About two years ago, I had a new friend who worked as a worship leader at a "come-as-you-are" church who invited me to check it out. At the time I didn't know that attending prot. services was unacceptable. So, after mass (I did; however, know that prot. services didn't fulfill Sunday obligation)his family picked me up and I attended the service.

If there was any small part of me that ever desired anything of Protestantism, at that moment someone took an axe and hacked it to death.

I walked in and it was virtually a big circular room with a platform with various rock band instruments on it and a giant semicircle of folding chairs. In the back there was a technician booth with a stoplight. To the side was a coffee stand (Yes, people drank coffee during the service. How they didn't spill it on themselves with all of their hands-in-the-air stuff I shall never know...).

As for the service itself, it wasn't much better. It had loud music with the lyrics posted via projector, moments of "bow-your-heads-and-close-your-eyes," etc. There was even a point where they asked all of the new members who wanted to join to "walk up to the table of the Lord" (In which I had to cover my mouth to hide my giggling, since in my mind I was sarcastically saying, "What, you mean the drum set?")

I could go on and on, but it would just be reaffirming what you said in the post.

As much as I sometimes complain about my 1970's style Novus Ordo parish, I came back next Sunday with joy that we at least had an altar as the focal point of our church, not the electric guitar stand.

10:24 PM  
Blogger Al said...

Simplex,

When I started reading the ad, if you hadn't told me it was for a non-Denom, I would have sworn it could be for a few Catholic parishes I know. In fact, before I started reading, I thought that was a Catholic Church.

& while I like idea of the Catholic Church ad, unfortunately too many Catholic parishes (fortunately not all) are like the 1st half of the Catholic ad.

Even worse, some protestant Churches are more Catholic than some Catholic parishes. A few weeks ago while on break I saw a buinch of "self made Bishops" on TV ordaining a new "Bishop". They had the mitre & crook as well as a few other things. OK, I know they aren't real bishops, the point is, their rite was more Catholic than some Catholic rites I've seen.

PS I assume you changed the name of the Church to protect yourself from the guilty.

11:05 PM  
Blogger Greta said...

It would be nice if you could get the USCCB to all acknowledge that they believe in the teaching of the Catholic Church as a good start. They could insure the priests and nuns in their areas also believe this and preach it and get the ones that do not out of their positions where they no longer lead the lay Catholics astray. One day I will understand where we lost it with open dissent in bishops, priests, Catholic Universities, and the layity and why nothing was done to stop it. I still say on the day after the release of Humanae Vitae when bishops and priests took out a full page add dissenting from the Pope why each was not called to Rome, allowed to repent and renounce their error, or removed from their position. It would have changed much of what followed.

12:30 AM  

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