Monday, March 09, 2009

My Dad Was Black Irish
Does that mean I made the Nigerian team?

The farce that is the World Baseball Classic. The eligibility requirements are looser than the bowels of a turista gringo drinking Tijuana water for the first time.

Case in point - from MLB.com; Oakland Athletics right-hander Danny Haren says his father is "100 percent Irish" and his mother is "100 percent Mexican," so it was quite a shock for him to find his name on the Netherlands team's provisional roster for the World Baseball Classic.

"They said that somehow they went through and my name has some kind of Dutch descent," said a bemused Haren...
That got me thinking of other eligibility criteria --

~ If your grandmother ever drank a Guinness, you just made Team Ireland.

~ If your wife considers reservations to be foreplay, you've been signed by the Israeli team.

~ Penchant for body odor and collaboration? You qualify for Le Peloton Français.

~ Do you know Bobby Jindal's real first name... and can you pronounce it correctly? If so, you just made Team India.

~ If your entrée looks like something that just burst out of John Hurt's chest in Alien, you're now playing for the Koreans.

~ If your idea of baseball chatter is "Heyyyyy, batter batter batter, I KEEL YOU ALL!!", the Iranians have dibbs on you.

~ If you can see Sarah Palin's house from where you live, you must be on the Russian squad.

~ If you know what the hell Vegemite even is, you're playing for Australia.

~ Bad teeth and drunk? Team England has your jersey.

~ Finish this famous line from Full Metal Jacket; "Me so ____." Congrats, you're now playing for the Vietnamese.

1 Comments:

Blogger David Nandell said...

HAHAHAHAAH.

AAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

I will pray for everyone here in Rome at the end of the week. Pray my flight isn't a nacthmare.

Dave

7:31 AM  

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