Monday, November 10, 2008

Alternate History, USCCB Style
Let's jump in the ol' Wayback Machine

Some of my fellow history nerds out there are familiar with something called "Alt-Hist". You know, those scenarios written about "how history would have changed if..."

Examples include - What if The South won the Battle of Gettysburg; what if the Czar crushed the Bolsheviks, what if the Ottoman Turks defeated the Catholic armies at the Battle of Vienna, etc.

Anyhow, I read this fine morning about how the Bishop of the Diocese of Tallahassee-Pensacola could actually be the embodiment of gutlessness. Here's a small bit of the article; (Emphasis mine) Florida bishop counsels Biden to examine conscience before Communion

Tallahassee (
CNA) - Bishop John Richard of the Diocese of Tallahassee-Pensacola has written to vice-President-elect Sen. Joseph Biden regarding his recent attendance at a Sunday Mass in the diocese. Commenting on his support for laws that do not protect the unborn, Bishop Richard reminded Biden about the need to examine one’s conscience about his fidelity to Church teaching in his personal and public life.
That got me wondering... what if some of our courageous leaders were interspersed to various turning points in human history?

Hmmmmmmm........ From the desk of the Archbishop of Honolulu, Hawaii

8 December, 1941

Dear Emperor Hirohito,
I couldn't help but notice yesterday that the the Hawaiian Islands accidentally sailed right into the middle of the Imperial Japanese Warfleet. And somehow, the island of Oahu managed to situate itself directly under the Air Arm of the Imperial Japanese Fleet as they conducted humanitarian bombing, strafing and torpedo runs.

Unfortunately, the common good was violated when American militarists failed to accord full rights corresponding to the inviolable dignity of the least of our brethren, specifically: a small number of peaceful Japanese pilots.

I heartfully apologize for members of the US Navy, Marine Corps and Army for failing to respected from the moment of conception until natural death, certain members of the Japanese Armed Forces.

And to ensure that misunderstandings like the one we've just experienced on December 7, 1941, from ever accidentally occurring again, I respectfully request that you instruct your admirals to examine their navigation, as so not to risk further entanglements with wayward island chains.

You are, Emperor, always welcome to nourish such a feat of navigation within the smoking and burning remains of the Diocese of Honolulu.

I love you. You love me. We're a great big fam-i-ly.

+ Benedict Arnold Quisling Iscariot
Diocese of the Roman Protestant Faith Community of Hawaii


Blogger Alexander said...

The “examine your conscience” procedure doesn’t work with these politicians. They have stated time and time again that their conscience tells them its okay. Further, there is no need to examine his conscience because he knows damn well that he is opposing the Church. All of these Bishops need to stand up and consistently and loudly admonish these people over and over. Or perhaps they are scared that people will leave the Church? That’s fine with me; it makes me wonder if some of them are concerned over donations and such if they offend people..

7:53 PM  
Blogger Joe of St. Thérèse said...

LOL! LOL! LOL! hahahahaha, hilarious, lol

It's a good thing that letter was never written.

Enough with the counseling sessions already Bp. Richard, just excommunicate Biden PUBLICALLY, I'll be happy to help you fill out any necessary paperwork, my Latin could use some brushing up :)

9:34 PM  
Blogger Theophilus said...

That goes to the Hall of Fame!

4:32 AM  
Blogger ignorant redneck said...

Most Excellent!

but I have a secret hope that that the Good bishop is simply following the dictates of scripture and Canon Law and giving the baby murdering bahstahd a chance to recan't, before formally excommunicating him.

1:40 PM  

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