Saturday, October 06, 2007

Friendship, Caveman-Style
None of that sissy crap

(This was sent to me via e-mail from a friend of mine. I should have initially said that this isn't original material as Melanie B. correctly pointed out, but I simply forgot to do so. My mistake. It's still pretty funny stuff!)

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this posting. Just the stone cold truth of Caveman friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit your damn whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

Meme this to 20 of your closest friends. Then get depressed because you can only think of 2.


Blogger ignorant redneck said...

Now this is an inspirational essay on friendship I can get behind!

#s 1 & 4 especially capture the essence of Manly friendship.

The only questions I have about it are these--Commercial, micro-brew or Homebrew? Scotch, bourbon or Sourmash.

I think Marines prefer bourbon, while Airborne tend more towards sourmash, but will drink anything.

8:29 AM  
Blogger DigiHairshirt said...

Damn, Kevin, this is actually funny! You and Jimbob should invest together in that cafepress account (see his blog on death peanlty bumperstickers) and cash in. Or sell this idea to Hallmark.

Try some others:

When you reach your goal -- I'll hit you up then for that loan.

When you are disappointed -- I'll remind you it's because you didn't try hard enough.

When you are grieving -- I'll ask if you got anything in the will.

Folks, although the Caveman (I'm not gonna use the term "Cavey", that just sounds so gay - sorry, Kevin) and I don't always see eye-to-eye, we do share what can sometimes be a mean sense of humor. I gotta say, this posting made me laugh!

12:34 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

Sounds like my relationship with Amy...

4:15 PM  
Blogger Matthew said...

Caveman, I am in Marketing class on Friday and the teacher shows us an article on how women control household purchases (85% yikes) and that includes buying men's underwear. I said it in class and I didn't give a damn who might have been offended and I will say it to you, NO WOMAN WILL EVER, EVER BUY MY UNDERWEAR OR ANY CLOTHING FOR THAT MATTER.

9:37 PM  
Blogger Vir Speluncae Orthodoxae said...


12:41 PM  
Blogger St. Jimbob of the Apokalypse said...

It reminds me of the "Man Prayer":

I'm a Man.
But I can change,
If I have to.
I guess..

5:52 PM  
Blogger Adoro te Devote said...

I just HAD to pick this one up, and you may be interested to know that one of the friends I mentioned under #1 was Special Forces. :-)

9:13 PM  
Blogger gemoftheocean said...

Ah, c'mon, Matthew, I bet your mommy bought you Superman underwear at one point in your life cycle. ;-D


11:18 PM  
Blogger Matthew said...

Dear Karen,

Yes perhaps she did but then I turned 8!

St. Jimbob of the Apokalypse: I know that "prayer" from the Canadian TV show "Red Green".

How about we pray the Mel Gibson prayer for Ecumenical Unity (said in We were soldiers)

"One more thing Dear Lord, about our enemies, ignore their heathen prayers and help us blow those bastards straight to Hell!"

10:02 AM  
Blogger Melanie B said...

"You and Jimbob should invest together in that cafepress account (see his blog on death peanlty bumperstickers) and cash in. Or sell this idea to Hallmark."

Yeah, about that... I think I got this in my inbox sometime in the last year or so. One of those things that's been circulating on the internet forever. Cute, but you should mention in the post that it's not original.

5:15 PM  

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