Sunday, August 31, 2008

John Edwards Will Get $65,000 For WHAT!!??
I can do the same at half the price

Here's enough of the article from The Chicago Tribune to make you puke; (Emphasis mine)
U. of I. sticks with plan for John Edwards speech
Student group paid $65,000 before scandal made news

A University of Illinois student group has agreed to pay $65,000 to bring disgraced former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards to speak at campus this fall.

The Illini Union Board is financed with a $14-per-semester student fee that goes to several student groups. The board's lecture committee chooses one speaker each semester and decided on Edwards last spring, said board president Leslie Cornell, a U. of I. senior.

Cornell said she expects Edwards to speak about poverty in the United States.
OK, there Fighting Illini people... have I gotta deal for you. Seeing you doofi are hell-bent on pissing away your money, I'll give speeches at half the price on the following topics:

1. Screwing Your Way To A More Chaste You.

2. Assertiveness Training For Introverts (If That's Alright With You).

3. "2 To The Chest, 1 To The Head" - A Pacifists Guide To Large Caliber Handguns and Their Role In Home Defence.

4. Mullets, Skullets, Femllets, Chullets and Plugllets. The Biden Way To Hair Care.

5. Smoking, Drinking and Freebasing Your Way To A Healthier You.


Blogger Al said...

Cavey as someone who works at a "Catholic" (?) College, I can assure you (sadly) that a large number of the college students know more than you on topics 1 & 5.

That aside, I would think the $65,000 might be better spent truly helping the poor than lining the pockets of a thief who has robbed many a pocket in the name of helping the poor while only helping himself to more money & raising the cost of everything for the rest of us as a result.

(& if that last sentence sunds a wee bit harsh, sorry, I ment it to be a lot harsh.)

1:31 AM  
Blogger Simplex Vir said...

I offer another speech:

"How to be open minded by closing down all dissenting debate."

Wait that might hit them a little to close to home!

9:58 AM  
Blogger Kit said...

[Hanging head in shame]

As an alumna of U of I, I can tell you they have not received a cent from me since I graduated - because that next year (1990) the student government voted to change the name of the Columbus Day holiday to "People of Color Genocide Recognition and Remembrance Day" in the official school calendar book (a.k.a., the "I-Book" that we all bought for jotting down assignments and such).

And now that they've sidelined the Chief, well, let's just say NEVER will be sooner than the sound of a donation check ripping out of my book will be.

3:38 PM  
Blogger Jeff Miller said...

How about

"Cheating on your wife as holistic medicine for cancer patients"

"There are two Americas, one where a husband is faithful to their wife and ..."

"I can not deprive the world by only letting one women put their fingers through my fabulous hair"

6:50 PM  

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