Thursday, August 24, 2006

The Mr. Bunny Story
And other great Marine Corps parables

WARNING!! Harsh language alert!

And this particular story dovetails nicely into Catholicism, as well.

My last tour of duty in the Marine Corps was as the Director of the Corporals Leadership Course in Camp Lejeune, NC. Every graduation I would tell them my "Mr. Bunny Story". It went a lil' sumpthin' like this ---

One day, there was a bunny. Mr. Bunny, actually. One early winter day, Mr. Bunny was out doin' bunny stuff... hopping around, eating grass... you know, bunny stuff. Anyhow, an early snow starts falling. Mr. Bunny blows it off, thinking it's just a dusting. But it quickly turned into a full blown snow storm.

Sure enough, Mr. Bunny can't find his way back to his little bunny hole. He thinks to himself "oh boy, I'm totally screwed. I can't find my little bunny hole, it's snowing like hell... I'm gonna freeze to death."

Right about then, Mr Bunny's bestest friend in the whole wide world, Mr. Moose, saunters up. Mr. Bunny says to him "Mr. Moose, I'm lost, and to make matter worse, I'm starting to freeze to death!".

Now Mr. Moose, being the smartest moose in the forest, thinks quickly. He knows exactly what to do... Mr. Moose takes a great big, steaming, moose sized shit right on Mr. Bunny.

Mr. Bunny is furious! He thinks to himself "wonderful... first I get lost, then I start to freeze to death, now I get shit on". But then Mr. Bunny realizes that the dung is keeping him nice and warm. He thinks to himself "this ain't so bad... in fact, this is great! I'm gonna make it! I'M GOING TO LIVE!!!"

Right about then, another friend of Mr. Bunny, a certain Mr. Deer, walks by and sees his friend Mr. Bunny covered in dung. Mr. Deer screams "don't fret Mr. Bunny... I'm your friend, I'LL SAVE YOU!!"

Mr. Bunny pleaded with him, "PLEASE Mr. Deer, STOP, STOP!!". But to no avail. Mr. Deer wiped all the dung off of his friend, Mr. Bunny.

And Mr. Bunny died. (Awww.....)

The moral of the story is... just because someone shits on you, that doesn't make him your enemy. Just because someone wipes the shit off you, that doesn't make him your friend.

I'll stick with my 'unafraid to tell me the hard truths of being a good Catholic' Mr. Moose of a parish priest, over the 'I'll tell you what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear' Mr. Deer of a priest.


Blogger Gaufridus said...

Okay, since it is apparently open season WRT scatological humour...

There's a bear and a bunny taking a shit together in the woods. The bear asks the bunny, "Say, do you have any trouble with shit sticking to your fur?"

"No," the bunny replies, hesitantly, "Havent had a problem yet..."

So the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his ass with him.


There's probably no really, deep, hidden message in that one, except to say, "Stay away from bears shitting in the woods!"

Pax tecum

6:07 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

I'll stick with my 'unafraid to tell me the hard truths of being a good Catholic' Mr. Moose of a parish priest, over the 'I'll tell you what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear' Mr. Deer of a priest.

But...what happens if someone (not implying our gracious Cave-Moderator or anyone else, mind you) gets very selective about the "hard truths" they want to hear?

9:03 PM  
Blogger Vir Speluncae Catholicus said...

The "hard truths" found in the 2,000 years of Catholicism, I can live with.

The novelties and down-right quasi-Protestantism of the last 40 years... I'll take a pass.

Just this humble cave-moderators opinion

9:32 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

I agree with you. But here's what I'm getting at:

What would most American traditional Catholics do if they heard a sermon preached on treatment of the poor, or on prejudice, or on workers' rights, or on any other social justice issue which has been wrongfully co-opted by the "peace and-justice" crowd? Do priests at TLMs speak of Rerum Novarum and Quadrigesimo Anno?

A good number of American Catholics (and again, I'm not singling out traditional Catholics, but Catholics who describe themselves as "conservative", however they define that word) would rather believe in the Gospel According to Ayn Rand than the Gospel According to Matthew, Chapter 25...

10:29 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

Here's a different, perhaps better, way of asking, framed in more traditional language:

How often does one hear a hard-hitting sermon on the Corporal Works of Mercy?

10:35 PM  
Blogger Vir Speluncae Catholicus said...

I've never known any Catholic, traditional or otherwise, who was against almsgiving to the poor.

What I have seen is many Catholics, traditional or otherwise, who was against being forced to give to the lazy and/or lawbreaker under the guise of almsgiving to the poor.

5:59 AM  
Blogger Dave said...

I agree that one should not equate almsgiving with supporting the Welfare State. And you and I have both heard the "peace and justice" spiel, which tries to turn Catholic Social Teaching into Marxism. That being said, some American Catholics have been infected with Calvinistic ideas about the deserving and undeserving. Because of these two extremes, solid preaching about many social justice issues is a tricky thing indeed...

6:36 AM  
Blogger Vir Speluncae Catholicus said...

Yep. One must really have to try hard to screw-up "prayer, fasting and almsgiving"... but somehow, they manage to.

Is it just me, or is "prayer, fasting and almsgiving" really quite simple?

4:21 PM  

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