Sunday, August 20, 2006

Who Won The 1942 World Series?
The San Diego Padres??!! *BANG!*

Remember reading or seeing in movies how German infiltrators in WWII would dress in American Army uniforms and cause hate, discontent, and general mayhem behind American lines?

Eventually, Yank GI's got smart. They came up with something called "The GI Quiz" so they could tell legit Americans from the bad guys. If the one being quizzed couldn't correctly answer basic American knowledge questions, things got real lethal real quick.

It went a lil' something like this...

Q. Who's Betty Grable married to?
A. Ehhh.... Clark Grable?
Action - *BANG!*

Q. Who's 'The Thin Man'?
A. Ummm... Josef Goebbels?
Action - *BANG!*

Q. Who's 'Steamboat Willie'?
A. Hmmm... is he that pimp I know on KrousenhimmelschickelgruberStrasse in Hamburg?
Action - *BANG!*

In this day and age of Modernist "priests", Poncho Lady "nuns", DRE's in stretch pants, etc, etc, ad nauseum... possibly we need our own little "Catholic Quiz".

It'll go a lil' something like this...

Q. What are the two categories of sin?
A. Sin? What's that?
Action - *BANG!*

Q. What's 'The Holy See'?
A. Ummm... Is it be the Sea of Galilee after Jesus supposedly walked on it?
Action - *BANG!* *BANG!* *BANG!*

Q. What's 'The Real Presence"?
A. Something that Santa Claus leaves.
Action - *BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!!!* (reload) *BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!!!*

6 Comments:

Blogger St. Jimbob of the Apokalypse said...

I would posit that if one cannot perceive sin (esp. mortal sin) than one cannot sense the Real Presence. They go hand in hand. We must know that we are not worthy, of our own merit, to approach Him, but that His Flesh is the food we need to be acceptible to God.

Being incognitive of the Light, and the contrast of the darkness of sin, leaves heretics and dissenters in that liberal panacea of "shades of grey", which the Light does not inhabit. They can mimic the externals of their 'worship', but it is vain mockery.

10:56 PM  
Blogger Gaufridus said...

Here's a few you could use, that I used for my "You know you're a Traditional Catholic..." list

Q:What is the Latin Mass?
A:Uh, everyone south of the Rio Grande?

BANG!

Q:What is the "Hail Mary"?
A:Umm, a football play?

BANG!

Q:How many mysteries of the Rosary are there?
A:20?

BANG!

Q:How does the "Pater Noster" end?
A:The who?

BANG!

Q:Let's try that again, how does the prayer "Our Father" end?
A:"...and deliver us from evil. Amen."

BANG!

Q:What is an altar boy?
A:Trick question! There are no such things!

BANG!

Q:What sex is your priest?
A:Uh, I thought she's called a "priestess"?

BANG!

Q:Here's an easy one... What sex is your wife?
A:Oh, come on... Must we insist on such outdated, patriarchal terms as "sex" and "wife"? I prefer the terms "gender" and "spou..."

BANG!

Ah, hell... What's the use? Just machinegun the rest:

BUDDA-BUDDA-JAM! (sound of an M16A2 service rifle malfunctioning after a few rounds)

I forgot: Our weapons are made by the lowest bidder.


Deus vult!

9:29 AM  
Blogger Vir Speluncae Catholicus said...

G,
EXCELLENT!! (still laughing!)

12:10 PM  
Blogger Gaufridus said...

*Edit:
A:"...and deliver us from evil. Amen."

Should read:

A:"...for Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the..."

BANG!

You get the point. :-)

2:45 PM  
Blogger Former Altar Boy said...

VSC,
OK, I'm biased, but you crack me up. The Cave is the funniest (among other superlatives) place in the Catholic blogosphere. Some selective culling (after an opportunity for an Act of Contrition) always brings out the best of a herd, an orchard, and maybe a church.
Gauf,
Great additions and thanks for the edit. You had me worried for a second with the Our Father ending. I've never said that Protestant postscript, and never will.

8:19 PM  
Blogger ignorant redneck said...

late update:

Q. Does the bread and wine signify Christ for us?

A: yes

Action, Baq, Bang bang, *click* Braaap *chunk*

Damned stoner direct gas system!

6:04 PM  

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