Saturday, December 31, 2005

GUMBY ALERT!!
His most shocking sermon yet...

Winner of the Sesame Street's "The Count" Look-A-Like Contest, pseudo-Catholic bishop Tommy Gumbleton of Detroit has given The Holy Inquisition all the kindling wood it needs to eliminate Gumby's particular brand of heresy. Keep in mind, this was his CHRISTMAS sermon .

Discussing the ongoing War on Christmas, here are just some of the gems that The Gumbinator has spewn forth...

How do you suppose the first Christian community would have reacted to this kind of a controversy? They would not even been able to think of such a thing, because the first Christian community didn't celebrate Christmas.

Oh... and it just got better from there. Gumby essentially "preached" how Christmas wasn't even celebrated in the Early Church. How the hell does HE KNOW?!

The second most important Holy Day in The Church's liturgical calendar, and Goombaton essentially blows it off as if Christmas is nothing more than a minor Feast Day for some obscure monk from 9th century Lower Slobovia.

The first part of his sermon was simply disgusting. I didn't think it could get any worse... then I read the second half. I guess pooh-poohing Christmas wasn't bad enough. Comrade Gumbelovich decided to launch an attack on America.

What does our Congress do? They pass a budget where they eliminate money to pay heating costs for the poor. They eliminate health care money for the poor. They eliminate education assistance for the poor. They pass a budget that is a disgrace! If you try to follow the way of Jesus it's a complete contradiction.

Can someone who lives in the Detroit area please swing by His Eccentricy hacienda and possibly snap a photo of exactly what his residency looks like? I'd be willing to bet that it's a rather opulent kinda place. And while you're at it... fill us in on what kind of car he tools around in. Geo Metro... Kia... Ford Escort? NOT!!

And our own little Statue of Liberty even has time to weigh in on illegal immigration (the key word here is "illegal")

I was thinking, too, of the immigration bill that was passed. If Jesus wanted to enter our country he couldn't do it as an immigrant or refugee, because we want to build a wall to keep people out even though we're a nation of immigrants.

Uhhh.... nooooo.... Jesus will descend upon the clouds with a Host of Angels surrounding Him. But hey, mean ol' America must HATE JESUS because we are desirous of protecting our borders. The way Chicken Gumbo can manipulate words is certainly something to marvel at.

Had enough? No way, baby! It's time for the Piece of Resistance (sorry, I can't spell in French).

Jesus was always inclusive, but in our church we exclude. We don't want gay men to be priests. How evil is that? We don't welcome gay and lesbian people into our community and allow them to be fully active members. We in our church don't give full possibilities to women to serve in every way within our church.

Whooooooa. As they say on the loading docks, back the truck up! Did Gumberiffic just refer to Holy Mother The Church... The Bride of Christ... as EVIL?? Did he just call for homosexual priests? Did he just call for both normal and lesbo women to be priests? Now I'm just a simple retired Master Sergeant of Marines... all I have is a double major Bachelors degree. But I think I'm smart enough to realize that this guy is going WAY beyond the pale. Hey Gumby, turn around.... see that line you just stepped over?

Now I know for a fact that His Holiness likes to swing by The Lair on a semi-regular basis, so when he does, I just gotta let him know; "Benny... goomba... you and me, we're tight, right? Paisan, do something about this strunzo, would ya Big Daddy? Thanks heaps.

Your pal,
The Caveman

His Excellency gives the Final Blessing

2 Comments:

Anonymous Former Altar Boy said...

Open Message to Auxiliary Bishop Gumbleton of Detroit:
Your Excellency (yeah, I respect the rank if not the person), in your Christmas homily (the post-Vatican II name for "feel good, watered-down sermon") you said "in some ways we've made [Christmas] the most important Christian feast of the year." Speak for yourself. No doubt, many Catholics have and, I'm sure most of your flock probably has, but whose fault is that? You and all your brother bishops and priests who have failed to lead, who have failed to provide proper catechesis to your flocks, who have failed to rein in the out-of-control, semi-Protestants running your RCIA programs, Bible studies, etc., that's who. The Feast of the Incarnation if hugely important, the second most in the calendar as Caveman Commander correctly pointed out. St. Paul said (I'm paraphrasing). "If Christ didn't rise from the dead, He may as well not have been born."
If your flock doesn't know that the most important Catholic feast is the Resurrection, you're to blame.

8:24 PM  
Blogger Gaufridus said...

FWIW...

As much as I am reluctant to admit it, I think you are wasting a lot of your time placing your focus on the Novus Ordo churches and members of the clergy who are, frankly, preaching heresy and are otherwise not acting like Catholics.

My opinion is that your time would be better served in promoting those Catholic churches and members of the clergy who are doing the right thing by maintaining Tradition: for example, the FSSP and the SSPX chapels and their clergy.

The Novus Ordo isnt going to go away because we "blog". If it goes away at all, it will go away from the top-down. Tradition must be reimposed by the Holy Father acting under the authority of God by the Inspiration of the Holy Ghost in the name of Our Lord Jesus Christ.

What must happen is the Pope must assert himself as the Sovereign Pontiff. Not by some OEcumenical council, not by some ground-swell of popular opinion, but by his acting like the Vicar of Christ.

So, learning about the jack-assery of these N.O. priests is informative, but by now we should come to expect their jack-assery and just move on. You're just going to end up frustrating yourself.

4:58 AM  

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