Saturday, March 06, 2010

I have been mulling how we were going to explain to the next generation why we had to develop a new economics model for the progressive times we live in. It is clear that now we have the basis for a new system with a multitude of complex variables that make up what I like to call the Double Plus Un-Budgeting economic system. Below is my first crack at it.

Double Plus Un-Budgeting 101
Because of the complex nature and paradigm shifting rubrics of Double Plus Un-Budgeting we will have to study its principles one at a time. However, before we can even begin to talk about the principles it is very important to understand that old standards such as Supply and Demand have absolutely no value in this new system.
1. The first and most important principle in this new system is that unlike previous systems a higher value is placed on the outflow of money than the inflow of money. Therefore when a person who has little or no money but still finds a way to spend much money they are considered to be very wealthy. On the other hand if you have a lot of money you are identified as poor and irresponsible. If the poor are not careful the government could come in and take their money and spend it. So it is always best to spend everything you get and everything your neighbor gets if you can.
2. Another hallmark of the new economic system is that a new monetary system had to be developed. One of the problems with the concept of spending being of higher value and constant outspending of means was that prices for goods and services rose exponentially. We called this inflation, which of course we all now realize is not a problem at all. The real problem that was created was having to come up with new number values, first it was trillion, then zillion, then gazillion, and so on. Once we got to gazillion infinity we knew we had a real problem on our hands. So we went to a new monetary system called IWGPYTFAHBT. There is no legal tender involved or promissory note. A person simply takes a product that they wish to purchase to the counter and hand over a card that says, "I Will Gladly Pay You Tuesday For A HamBurger Today" and then they can walk out with their goods. Since IWGPYTFAHBT is very hard to pronounce people refer to them as Wimpies. Wimpies can be made right at come with any sharpie and index card.
3. One of the benefits we had hoped to gain in the new system was that the Government having the ability to make their own Wimpies would have them leaving the taxpayer...oops....sorry.... I mean Goodly Giver alone. However as easy as Wimpies are to come by our Government still needed some of the Wimpies that Goodly Giver citizens were making. As we all know it only helps us to stabilize our economy when our Government has more Wimpies to spend. Spending is such an important factor in bringing about wealth for all.
4. Competition in the market place is another area that has changed significantly. One thing we noticed was that the inflation was being amplified by competition with spending being more important people did not care how much things cost and were willing to pay anything. This was a main contributor to the number value problem discussed in item 2. So we decided that from now on only one person could produce or provide a specific service within a certain geographic area. We notice now that no one really tries to please their customers, and they don't need customers anyway because they can make their own Wimpies. So we all get treated equally horribly as customers. This is VERY GOOD and VERY IMPORTANT because the most important thing in our new economic system is EQUALITY!!

5. Debt, this one is important. We all knew the day was coming when all of the debt that we had accumulated under the old economic system was going to catch up to us. Our fearless and noble congress took up the historic vote now referred to as the Great Duh! What happened was they were all sitting in the chambers together arguing about the debt and whose fault it was and how we let it get to this point. That is when the president (Baracus Omnibus) who was in his fourth term came in and said, "Guys why are you all fighting this time?" The chambers echoed with anger over the debt and why they had spent all this money. This is when the president said, "Look the debt is really bad and everyone knows that it is really bad for us to have debt so we should just ...... ERASE it!" Then everyone at the same time said, "Duh!" and it was heard around the world. Hence it was called the Great Duh! It was not shortly after the Great Duh! that a new law was passed that the word debt and any tracking of it was outlawed.

Now I know that you may look at this and ask yourself why it took 200 years for us to figure this out. You have to understand that for many years it was believed that saving and spending beneath your means was responsible and morally correct. Our parents', parents', parents' made sure this evil was handed down from generation to generation. It was not until the 60s and 70s when we started to see shows and movies coming out about utopic societies who did not need money like Star-Trek. We got it right now though, we love our Wimpies!


Blogger Heather said...

Demonstrating absurdity by being absurd. I like it!!

8:55 AM  

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