Catechism Of The Reformed Evangelical Liberal Catholic Church Of America
You knew this was just a matter of time

The likes of Mahony, Weakland and Gumbleton are in schism anyways, so we might as make it official.

Blessed Trinity - Marx, Sanger, Luther.

Heaven - We're already there. It's called The Obama Administration.

Purgatory - An invention by the Papists during the Middle Ages to scare people and make money.

Hell - Eternal separation from God. No pain, no gnashing of teeth... more like an eternal waiting line at the DMV. But we're pretty sure this is just another Papist invention to scare people.

Hierarchy - Arks that are really high.

Confession - What Dick Cheney needs to do.

The Seven Deadly Sins - Self sacrifice, personal accountability, smoking, reading Chesterton, questioning The One, open heterosexuality, Capitalism.

Fruits of the Holy Ghost - Whining, pissing, moaning, living your entire life as the victim.

Community - I, you, we, us, hugs, shaking hands, kisses, luv. Everyone milling around with no one really in charge. Check with the Ministers of Hospitality.

Monotheistic Religions - Moslems and Jews. We worship the same God as them, even though they deny the divinity of Christ and the complete existence of The Holy Ghost. But we worship the same God, and don't let anyone tell you any different.

Intercession - An answer to your prayers. Kind of like God texting you "ROTFLMAO".

SSA - Super Sexy Abbot. Nickname for Rembie Weakland when he was the head-honcho for the Benedictines. Not to be confused with Double Secret Probation.

Priesthood - See Community.