Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Catechism Of The Reformed Evangelical Liberal Catholic Church Of America
You knew this was just a matter of time

The likes of Mahony, Weakland and Gumbleton are in schism anyways, so we might as make it official.
Blessed Trinity - Marx, Sanger, Luther.

Heaven - We're already there. It's called The Obama Administration.

Purgatory - An invention by the Papists during the Middle Ages to scare people and make money.

Hell - Eternal separation from God. No pain, no gnashing of teeth... more like an eternal waiting line at the DMV. But we're pretty sure this is just another Papist invention to scare people.

Hierarchy - Arks that are really high.

Confession - What Dick Cheney needs to do.

The Seven Deadly Sins - Self sacrifice, personal accountability, smoking, reading Chesterton, questioning The One, open heterosexuality, Capitalism.

Fruits of the Holy Ghost - Whining, pissing, moaning, living your entire life as the victim.

Community - I, you, we, us, hugs, shaking hands, kisses, luv. Everyone milling around with no one really in charge. Check with the Ministers of Hospitality.

Monotheistic Religions - Moslems and Jews. We worship the same God as them, even though they deny the divinity of Christ and the complete existence of The Holy Ghost. But we worship the same God, and don't let anyone tell you any different.

Intercession - An answer to your prayers. Kind of like God texting you "ROTFLMAO".

SSA - Super Sexy Abbot. Nickname for Rembie Weakland when he was the head-honcho for the Benedictines. Not to be confused with Double Secret Probation.

Priesthood - See Community.


Blogger Cookie said...

Re: "Hell"
One of my friends made an excellent point a while back: to look at the suffering that takes place in the world now, while God is still present among us. All the horrible tortures and calamities and illnesses. God allows evil to come into the world, but I can't help but think that He moderates it a bit.

Now take God out of the equation. Demons can do WHATEVER THEY WANT. No holds barred.

People don't think that will be painful?? Come out of your Zoloft-induced fog and smell the sulphur!

10:57 AM  
Blogger Dad29 said...

Re the 7 Deadly...

You mean having/using several deadly weapons is NOT one of them?


12:24 PM  
Blogger Joe of St. Thérèse said...

Mass-see Community

1:29 PM  
Blogger TCN said...

Mass: see the 1962 Roman Missal.

To hell with this NO "mass."

10:41 PM  

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