Who Needs A Bishop When You Have A Protestant Ministerette?
The diocesan version of "screw you, Pope Benedict"?
Helmet tip to The Unseen Parishioner

I've posted about Immaculate Conception parish in Durham, NC before. You remember, don't you? That "faith community" that recently had their pagan-inspired "Ecological Stations of the Cross" this past Lent, complete with prayers to Mother Earth?

Well, it looks as if the good Fathers at Immaculate Conception want to "imagine" where their parish will be in the next 1-3 years. So what do these dreamers do to make their imagination a reality? Simple... hire a Protestant ministerette to show you how a parish is SUPPOSE to be run! Just check out their bulletin, or you can read it right here; (Comments mine)
Over the past few months, our staff has begun a process (It's always about a "process" never about reaching an actual goal) of imagining our future. (Has anyone considered asking the bishop in which direction he would like to see this "Parish" go? Maybe they should start by "imagining" that next year there will be no further abominable versions of the Stations of the Cross.) This process began with a question: "What do you see as the questions that face our parish over the next 1-3 years?" (Here's a question for you: Do we believe in Jesus?) As we have reflected on these questions, which touch on all aspects of our parish, we have decided that we need some help from the outside (Oh - you need "help," alright) to help us think through the issues that we face. (e.g., How much longer should we keep up the pretense of being in union with the Roman Pontiff and the Bishop of Raleigh? Should we come clean and openly declare our already years old de facto schism with the Church? Naaaaaah......that would require integrity.)

We have entered into an agreement with a facilitator from Nashville TN (i.e., yet one more lay person has been put on the Parish dole) who will be working with us over the next several months. Her name is Kim Maphis Early, and she is an ordained Presbyterian minister with extensive background in working with church groups. (FYI- She was our second choice as our first choice, Joyce Myers, was a little outside our budget) She attended two masses here last Sunday (Anyone wanna lay money on whether or not she was allowed to receive "communion"?) and met with our staff on Monday. (I'm "imagining" Nurse Ratchet here) She will be back in May (CHA) and again in June (CHING) and she will be with us for several meetings in the fall as well (This is Durham, after all - where $$$ grows on trees.) In our May meeting, we will be discussing a book which we will all read called "Difficult Conversations." (Here's another book someone may want to recommend: The Catechism of the Catholic Church - unless conversing about that is too difficult. In that case, one may "imagine" the Baltimore Catechism to be more helpful.)

As we go through this process, there will be days in which our staff will be off-site for a one-day or a two-day retreat. (at which we will spend copious amounts of parish money on food, drink, and endless opportunities/settings in which to make ourselves feel better....about ourselves - but don't worry - this is really to benefit the whole parish - no, really!) We will let you know ahead of time what these dates are. (So, don't EVEN think of receiving a human voice - not to mention actual attention if you attempt to call the parish office) We see this process as the highest priority for us during this time, and we ask you to pray for us as we go through it. (Maybe we should pray, instead, that the true, Catholic Faith return to a Parish so long deprived of it) Kim, in her proposal, sees her work with us taking shape (i.e., she has no idea what she'll do) over a series of several meetings (chaaaaAA....) over several months (CHIIIING!!!!!) and ending with a plan to involve the people of the parish in a process of imagining IC's future. This, for us, is the Church as we imagine it to be. (Riiiiing! It's 3 a.m. and the Clue-Phone is ringing at the rectory of Immaculate Conception. It's Robert Browne on the other end to inform you that he already founded [i.e.,"imagined"] the Congregationalist Church in 1580.)

Please let us know if you have any questions about this process. (Ok - here goes: How long shall sinners, O Lord: how long shall sinners glory? Ps. 93:3) Kim left us with a prayer by the Jesuit priest/anthropologist (Who knew priests were now hyphenated - or forward slashed as the case may be? I wonder if in addition to priest-psychologists, priest/anthropologists, and priest/dancers, there are any priest/ass-kickers around the bishop could send to visit IC in Durham?) Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (never mind the fact that he was silenced by the Church in 1926) and the last lines of the prayer are: "Give our Lord the benefit of believing that His hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete." (disclaimer: Belief in our Lord is, of course, optional. Also, let the reader understand that use of male pronouns was ONLY for the sake of quoting Teilhard de Chardin - a priest/rogue terribly helplessly victimized by a cruel, unjust, and patriarchal society.)
Fr. Steve (Peppermint) Patti, O.F.M. Never mind the slight discrepancy that this broad denies The Real Presence, papal authority and supremacy, most of The Sacraments, etc. Nahhh... none of that's REALLY all that important, is it?

Does anyone think this is really the direction that Bishop Burbidge wants his priests to go? Oh, you silly Caveman... why in the world would you expect diocesan priests to look to their bishop for HIS vision for HIS parishes? Personally, I look upon this a none too subtle "screw you, Bishop Burbidge".

Hey, why look to the tower for guidance when you can pay untold amounts of money hiring someone to lead you to a future like this: