The Spirit Of Vatican II Fantasy League Scouting Report
The American League
Archbishop Rembert Weakland; Best known for paying out $450,000 in hush money to his ex-boyfriend. "He's a multi-talented player. Able to both pitch and catch!" - Paul Marcoux. Now very wealthy ex-boyfriend of Archbishop Weakland
Sister Joan Chittister; Contributor to National Catholic Reporter. "Always swinging at pitches no matter how ridiculously far outside the strike zone. Also possesses an eerie resemblance to Lou Gehrig" - Rita Larivee, editor of NCR
"It's a man, baby!" - Austin Powers
Bernard Cardinal Law; Former Archbishop of Boston. "Wicked fast speed ahhn the bases. Ya gotta keep a shaaap eye on this guy. Can be gaahn before yuh know it. Whut aaah ya.... wicked retaaaaaaded??!!" - Massachusetts Attorney General Thomas Reilly
Father Richard McBrien; theology professor, The University of Notre Dame. "Confusing player. Nasty habit of never showing up in uniform. Changes rules in the middle of the game, somehow gets officials to agree with him. Has ruined some of the most promising young players in the game, yet his team keeps re-hiring him" - The Blessed Virgin Mary, AKA: Notre Dame
Bishop Donald Trautman of Erie, PA and Chairman of the USCCB Liturgy Committee; "Unorthodox approach to calling the signals on the field. Instead uses extra large cue-cards and is known to sometimes simply yell instructions. Believes players are too stupid to learn the signs" - Doofus McGoofus of the Diocese of Erie
Roger Cardinal Mahony; Archbishop of Los Angeles (for the time being). "Not worth the money. Hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars... nothing to show for it but a losing record and an equally worse comb-over" - The 4,349,267 Catholics of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles
The American League
Archbishop Rembert Weakland; Best known for paying out $450,000 in hush money to his ex-boyfriend. "He's a multi-talented player. Able to both pitch and catch!" - Paul Marcoux. Now very wealthy ex-boyfriend of Archbishop Weakland
Sister Joan Chittister; Contributor to National Catholic Reporter. "Always swinging at pitches no matter how ridiculously far outside the strike zone. Also possesses an eerie resemblance to Lou Gehrig" - Rita Larivee, editor of NCR"It's a man, baby!" - Austin Powers
Bernard Cardinal Law; Former Archbishop of Boston. "Wicked fast speed ahhn the bases. Ya gotta keep a shaaap eye on this guy. Can be gaahn before yuh know it. Whut aaah ya.... wicked retaaaaaaded??!!" - Massachusetts Attorney General Thomas Reilly
Father Richard McBrien; theology professor, The University of Notre Dame. "Confusing player. Nasty habit of never showing up in uniform. Changes rules in the middle of the game, somehow gets officials to agree with him. Has ruined some of the most promising young players in the game, yet his team keeps re-hiring him" - The Blessed Virgin Mary, AKA: Notre Dame
Bishop Donald Trautman of Erie, PA and Chairman of the USCCB Liturgy Committee; "Unorthodox approach to calling the signals on the field. Instead uses extra large cue-cards and is known to sometimes simply yell instructions. Believes players are too stupid to learn the signs" - Doofus McGoofus of the Diocese of Erie
Roger Cardinal Mahony; Archbishop of Los Angeles (for the time being). "Not worth the money. Hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars... nothing to show for it but a losing record and an equally worse comb-over" - The 4,349,267 Catholics of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles
posted by Kevin Whiteman at
8:12 AM
8 Comments:
Wow, we could issue these as Liturginazi Trading Cards!
Gee, that's kind of unfair to Lou Gerhig, isn't it?
If I were Pope I'd have kicked them out the day of my installation, and publicly
Ha!
good
McBrien *grumbles* rehiring isn't the right word...tenure...dangerous stuff...most regrettable when given to the wrong person.
Look at 'em ... they're nothing but a bunch of old hippies and they're going to their "reward" soon enough. Patience, folks. The Church had outlived worse, will do so now and forever. The gates of hell will not prevail!
I hate to say this but you left out 1 very important member of the fantasy league, Bishop Thomas J. Gumbleton, retired auxillary, Detroit.
By the way is the "FANTASY" part of their league the idea that they actually think they are the future of the Church?
Was it Dante who said the floor of hell is paved with the skulls of bishops?
Looks like the start of a nice mosaic.
I'll take a boxed set. My prized one would be of Cardinal Law, it's wicked cool ;}
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