The John Edwards Secret Wish List
Now that he's back in the news

Recently uncovered by the crack Cavemen investigative news team, the following was found secreted away between a Tiger Beat magazine and a Mystery Date game ---

1. Just like Samantha and Jake Ryan, I want to sit on top of the dining room table with my birthday cake... but with that dreeeamy John Kerry!

2. To shut down Wal-Mart. But not until I can score a really bitchin' cool PlayStation3.

3. That momma and daddy never find out that I let that dreeeamy John Kerry get to 2d Base.

4. Hairspray.... more hairspray.

5. That the ever-so-dreeeamy John Kerry will ask me to the prom.

6. Ambulances.... more ambulances.

7. When will that dreeeamy John Kerry call? It's been four days now! I'll bet that bastard told all his friends we went all the way!! *quietly sobbing with head buried into pillow*