Long Lost Church Document FOUND!!
... in Northeast Florida?

H/T to Cletus Huckleberry

After much arguing back and forth concerning what the TRUE Teaching of The Church is in regards to the death penalty, ace Caveman News Service reporter Cletus Huckleberry has unearthed a definitive document on the subject.

Here's a small excerpt;

The 2nd Council of Mandarin has infallibly approved and hereby promulgates the following nearly infallible teachings (with only one abstention):

The government has a right and an obligation to use the death penalty in appropriate cases. Such cases are rare, however, and capital punishment should be applied to no more than, say, 5% of the people in the United States in any given year.

Towards the end of the declaration, we see;

Furthermore, the council highly recommends (this time with, I believe, no abstentions) that, henceforth, all executions should be public and performed only by means customarily used prior to or during the first half of the 20th Century, including, but not limited to: hanging, firing squad, gas, guillotine and high voltage furniture.

Is that a Pulitzer I smell for our ace reporter? Or possibly is that just catfish bait or something Cletus just ate?