Dem Candidates Vie For Gay Backing (no pun intended)
Both also want to catch the First Pitch at Fenway (no pun intended)

Alleged heterosexuals, Democratic Massachusetts gubernatorial candidates Deval L. Patrick and Christopher F. Gabrieli are battling for support among homosexuals and lesbians in the first statewide campaign since the legalization of same-sex marriage.

Both attended the so-called "gay pride parade" in Boston. That's when things got ugly. It was understood that Patrick and Gabrieli were suppose to be at least one herd of Dykes On Bikes, two garish fake-nun floats, and one jock-strap clad all-male flag team seperate from each other.

But due to the absolute inability of anyone to keep anything straight (no pun intended), both candidates wound up being one crammed right behind the other (no pun intended) in the parade.

It's still unclear who said what first, but it's understood that someone said something about Liza being better than Barbara Streisand, and that's when they both came to blows (no pun intended).

Witnesses state "it was a bitch-slap fight to end all bitch-slap fights!". According to the Boston police, injuries suffered by both amounted to multiple facial scratches, 4 broken fingernails, mussed hair, and badly scuffed pair of $2,000 Italian shoes.

(disclaimer. I'll admit, I made some of this up)