Sunday, April 30, 2006

Tom Hanks Is The Anti-Christ
...and the Caveman has the proof!

First Tom Hanks had us all believing that he was just about the cuddliest thing that ever walked the face earth. Kind of a cross between Santa Claus and Jimmy Stewart.

First there was the marshmallow filled sit-com Bosom Buddies. That was soon followed by a string of movies like Splash and Big. He was just so darn cute, you wanted to pinch his cheeks clean off of his face.

Then he became oh, so noble in Apollo 13, The Green Mile, and Saving Private Ryan. If there was ever an Angel of Light... it was Hanks. Hey, we ALL loved him!

Then he started to get dark. First came those damned creepy-assed Polar Express characters. Now we have to endure the Vast Ignorant Multitude swallowing The Da Vinci Code hook, line and sinker.

As if all that wasn't bad enough, we now get to look forward to the cruelest twist when Hanks spews forth to the world the film version of Mama Mia!, the Broadway hit musical inspired by ABBA's disco-pop hits of the 70's and 80's.

Have you no shame, Tom Hanks? For the sake of your immortal soul; stop, recant, convert.

3 Comments:

Blogger Rick Lugari said...

I've never been a fan of Tom Hanks, and that probably stems from the lame-ass show Bosom Buddies. I'm not really a fan of Steven Spielberg either. But I will say this this:

Those two men produced one of the best movies (possibly the best) I ever seen: Band of Brothers. It had the Spielberg hallmarks of being thorough and detailed, but lacked the contrived warm fuzziness or stupid love interest which usually accompanies his stuff. They obviously went to pains to make it an accurate account and not "Hollywood" it up (like Saving Private Ryan).

There are many great WWII stories (actually many great battle stories throughout history) that deserve a good cinimatic accounting and I would love to see them produced with that kind of sophistication. But alas, it's not very hip to do historical accounts without some sort of contrived back story I guess.

8:34 AM  
Anonymous CaesarMagnus said...

You forgot the movie "Philidelphia" [shudder]

8:44 PM  
Blogger Carolina Cannonball said...

I was just going to mention "filth-a-delphia"

8:54 AM  

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