Tuesday, April 18, 2006

But it's B.Y.O.P.

There's only one thing I can call this... Mission: Indigestible. Noted actor and angry dwarf, Tom Cruise, has vowed (I'm not making this up) to "eat his new baby's placenta". Cruise said he would sneak in straight after girlfriend Katie Holmes gives birth, saying he thought it would be "very nutritious".

Cruise is a devotee of the cult known as Scientology, which claims that 75 million years ago aliens came to earth and their spirits now infest our bodies.

That poor baby hasn't got a f*****g chance in hell.


Blogger Fidei Defensor said...

I have heard soon to be grandma and grandpa Holmes are devout Catholics and Tom's brainwashing of their daughter is devestating for them. They have demanded that the baby be baptized but I don't think Tom will let it happen.

Here's to hoping that somehow grandma and grandpa end up with custody.

11:20 PM  
Blogger Former Altar Boy said...

If I was one of the grandparents, Katie or her midget better not ever ask me to babysit. By the time, they got to the corner I'd have that kid in the bathtub or the kitchen sink and baptizing it myself, which any baptized Catholic is allowed to do in an emergency (which this would be! you saw CSM's last remark in his post. Amen.).

12:35 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

I guess Cruise is now saying the whole placenta thing was a joke. But I'd think it'd be a wake-up call for him if so many people actually took him seriously, because that means it's obvious we think he's capable of doing pretty much anything. No matter how disgusting or disturbing.

I still pray Katie will wake up and leave him, little Suri in tow. Of course, I also think a big ugly custody battle would follow and Tom would fight for his right to further corrupt the innocent mind, heart, and soul of his child.

6:37 AM  
Blogger DigiHairshirt said...

I say we storm the castle, rescue the child (sorry, Mom is an adult and I'm not giving her the same excuse people tried to give Monica Lewinsky, saying she was "young" and "impressionable" - Katie, you KNOW what is right!), and hightail it to a local Catholic church where we'll have a SWAT priest/deacon waiting with chrism and water.

Who's up for this? We may need a trained exorcist to counteract Dad, so if someone's got a contact there, bring him along.

Hey, does this mean if Tom reads this, he'll take it as a serious threat and sue us? Bring it on, baby!!

8:36 AM  
Blogger Sean said...

He'll probably just threaten not to support his own movie if this blog isn't censored. If he does arrest all of us, then there is always hope that on some Easter Vigil in the future there will be a Suri Cruise standing around a bonfire and putting on a white garment to dispel the darkness.

9:11 AM  

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