Sunday, March 19, 2006

News From The Future... Future... Future... Future
The NEW Novus Ordo Mass

Der Tommisar has a very interesting post concerning the Dumbing Down of prayers to Catholic schoolchildren. And Chris has posted some absolutely bizzare photos of "Catholic"(?) churches in Europe. I figured it was time to re-post and oldie but a goodie.

Few will argue that The Mass has made some... 'er, shall I say "significant" changes since Vatican II? I think "mutation" is a more accurate word... but anyhow, ever wonder where The Mass may be in about another 40 years? click here to read the entire NEW New Mass


But to whet your appitite, here's a lil' peek.....

Novus Ordo Missae
2044 C.E.

Greeting:
Presider
: In the name of the Creator, and of the Redeemer, and of the Paraclete. [All together make the sign of the cross. (for those of you that remember how)]
All: Amen.

Option A:
Presider: May the Holy Groove be placed on y'all.
All: You too, dude

Option B:
Presider: Right on, right on, right on.
All: Right on

Option C:
Presider: Hi there.
Or Bishop: (sounding very official) Hi there.
All: Back at 'chya [The presider or another minister may then briefly introduce the Mass of the day, saying something about the readings, the feast, and/or the special occasion being celebrated, such as Kwanzaa, Shiva's Birthday, Earth Day, The Feast of St. John Calvin, Gay Pride Day, etc.]

Rite of Blessing and Sprinkling Holy Water:

Presider: Groovy People, this water will be used to remind us of our childhood Coming-Out Party/Baptism. Let us ask the Divinity of Undetermined Gender to bless it, and to keep us faithful to the Spirit It has given us. [or similar words of insipidness]

Option A:
Presider: God our Divinity of Undetermined Gender, your gift of water brings life and freshness to the earth we worship.
All: Whoa, dude... that's deep

Option B:
Presider: Some of us can really use a shower.
All: Darn tootin', Fig Newton.

Option C (during the Easter Harvest Season):
Presider: It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring
All: What he say? [After blessing the water, the presider moves through the communal worship space sprinkling all of the people while an antiphon or other song is sung, such as "Raindrops Are Fallin' On My Head", or "Rainy Days And Mondays Always Get Me Down". When the sprinkling and the song is finished, the priest concludes this rite as follows:]

Presider: May our Big Buddy in the Sky cleanse us of our sins, if any actually exist or not... that's irrelevant, and through the symbolic eucharist we celebrate make us worthy to sit with equality at the table in the heavenly kingdom.
All: See me, feel me, touch me.

[This rite is commonly celebrated during the Easter Season, but may also be used at other times. When it is used, the Penitential Rite is omitted, and the Mass continues with the Gloria (on most Sundays and solemnities) or with the Opening Prayer (during Advent and Lent, and on weekdays). Or in keeping with the 2009 ruling of the Council Of American Catholic Bishops, you can simply make it up as you go along]

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