Friday, February 10, 2006

Half Pound Of Nouns, Please
More butchering of the English language

Nothing sets me climbing the walls quicker than someone slicing and dicing the English language. Case in point;

"I'm going to buy my wife some pointsettias." No stupid, what you want to get her are poinsettias.

"Let's go to the Starbucks and get some exspresso." Espresso is what my goombas suck down. Not "exspresso". Keep mispronouncing it, and Da Wiseguys will ensure that you'll get whacked, sleep with the fishes, take a dirt nap, excetera, excetera. Capice?

"He's such a talented athalete". Is that anything like an athlete? But in all fairness.... many athaletes do end up having really bad arthuritis.

"My dog needs to go to the veteranarian." Is that someone who heals animals and was a member of the U.S. Armed Forces?

And my all time favorite; "We're in trouble! Someone call the Calvary." *sigh* "Calvary" is where Christ was crucified... the Cavalry are those Army guys on horses.

Can anyone think of anymore?


Blogger Paul, just this guy, you know? said...

Some people want to buy a house from Realitor, rather than a Realtor. They've never been to a Docitor, nor watched the performance of an Acitor, but they list their homes for sale with Realitors.

6:19 PM  
Blogger Former Altar Boy said...

The one that drives me nuts is the prevailing (at least the past few years) misuse of "myself" as a first person singular pronoun, as if it was the equivalent to "I" or "me." For example, "This other guy and myself went to the game," or "Joe bought a beer for Bill and myself." Hey dummies, I know most of you are the product of the public school system since the hippie radicals of the '60s took over the education system in this country, not to mention the fact that the only way you'd find your way to this intellectual blog is by accident, but "myself" is a reflexive pronoun, meaning it refers to something happening to you or where you are the receiver of some action. E.g., "I gave MYSELF a gift; I hurt MYSELF." Get the idea. (Yeah, I know that was a run-on sentence back there, but the dumbbells don't know what one is, anyhow.)

7:44 PM  
Anonymous Chad said...

Well, there's always our president's favorite gaff, "nucular weapons."

And pronouncing the "l" in salmon.

10:26 PM  
Blogger DigiHairshirt said...

Not so much butchered nouns but one thing that bugs me is the misuse of "nauseous" and "nauseated." People will say, "I'm nauseous" or "I feel nauseous" if they have to vomit - however, "nauseous" means having a quality such that a feeling of nausea is induced, e.g., "Men dressed outlandishly in nun drag during gay pride parades is nauseous." The correct term if you have to hurl is "nauseated," e.g., "When I read articles on partial birth abortion I become nauseated."

I'm also a stickler about the metaphor "silver bullet" versus "magic bullet." If it's a quick cure or fix, it's a "magic bullet" in reference to Dr. Erlichmann and his cure of penicillin for STDs. A "silver bullet" is a device for killing werewolves or a delightful Colorado beverage.

Got it?

7:42 AM  

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