The Latin Mass... but with a Southern accent

 

Who's On First?

The Latin Mass version

Today I was thinking about my fay-vo-rite former Southern Baptist, Latin Mass sayin' priest. I got to thinking that he just might have some of his Southern Baptist cousins asking him all about the Traditional Latin Mass.

I would imagine that the conversation between Father P and Bubba (you just know there's got to be a Bubba in there somewhere) might sound like...

Bubba: You know, cousin... I was wondering about that "Latin Mass" that you talk about so much. Mind if I ask you a few questions?

Father P: Go right ahead, Bubba.

Bubba Ray: Is it true that you ask folks in heaven to pray for you?

Father P: Sure do.

Bubba: What part?

Father P: Gloria.

Bubba: Who?

Father P: Gloria.

Bubba: No, I mean the part when you talk to the folks in heaven.

Father P: Gloria.

Bubba: I don't know no girl name a Gloria.

Father P: No. I'm telling you that when we ask the Saints in heaven to pray for us, that's the Gloria.

Bubba: Gloria who?

Father P: *Sigh* We'll talk about that later. Is there anything else you wanted to ask me?

Bubba: Matter of fact, I do. Just exactly when do you start speaking to The Lord Hisself?

Father P: Christe Elesion.

Bubba: Christy who?

Father P: No, not Christy... CHRISTE!

Bubba: Christy who?

Father P: No, no, no!! Not Christy... CHRISTE!

Bubba: I don't know no girl named Christy. But I know the family... the Ellisons. Ain't we kin to them on gran-momma's side? Didn't they use to live o'er by the Piggly-Wiggly?

Father P: You're not listening, Bubba. Christe Elesion is Greek for...

Bubba: (Interrupting) Stop, stop, stop.... the only Greeks I knowd is when I got throwd in jail in Athens, Georgia. And why you keep tellin' me all 'bout these people I don't know?

Father P: No Bubba, I'm trying to tell you about the Mass. Like when we ask The Lord God to accept out sacrifices;

Bubba: An' what's that part called?

Father P: Hanc Igitur.

Bubba: AGAIN YOU TELLIN' ME 'BOUT PEOPLE I DON'T EVEN KNOWED! I don't know no Hank, and I sho' don't know no Iggyture family. Are they Greeks, too?

Father P: *Sigh* We're getting nowhere fast, Bubba.

Bubba: No, don't quit on me yet, cousin. Can you tell me about all them doo-dads you got up there with ya?

Father P: Sure! Well, there's the candlesticks, the chalice, the burse, the...

Bubba: (Interrupting) Whoa, cuz. You got a ladies carry-all up there with ya?

Father P: What in the world are you talking about, Bubba?

Bubba: You said you got somethin' called a burse. Remember Aunt Tootie, the one with the hairlip? Buckshot's momma. She use to call it a "burse" too. Then again, she also say "bocketbook".

Father P: No, Bubba! That's not what I meant at all! You're totally confusing things with.... oh, forget it.

Bubba: Don't lose patience with me yet. I just want to know when your service is over.

Father P: I tell the Faithful "Ite, missa est."

Bubba: Eat a mess a what?

Father P: No. Ite, missa est.

Bubba: Eat a mess a what?

Father P: ITE, MISSA EST!!!

Bubba: EAT A MESS A WHAT!!?? A whole mess o' fried catfish, BBQ, snap beans and cornbread? I ain't never did hear of food called "est"? Is that some kinda Catholic food?

Father P: Cousin, I think this conversation is about over.

Bubba: Can I ask just one last question?

Father P: (exasperated) Why not.

Bubba: Is there any part of your service where you ask God to forgive you of your sins?

Father P: Absolutely. During the Confiteor Dei.

Bubba: During Confederate Day!? Hell, that's the only thing you've said that's made any sense all day! But someone needs to ask God Almighty to forgive them damn Yankees for invading America. Ah'm startin' to like all this Catholic stuff.

TLM - Why Latin Matters... A Lot

First things first - I'm a Catholic. But even more important, I'm one of those Traddies that Francis and the FBI warned you about. 

With that aside, even to thus very day, I keep hearing people asking "What's the big deal with Latin? How does it even matter? It's a dead language!"

In a nutshell; yes, it's important for a reason. But before I delve into why, let me take us back a handful of decades.

Even while the Second Vatican Council was underway during the 1960s, word on the street what essentially, "If anyone even considers playing fast and loose with the consecration, the last ones would be the Catholics."

Please keep in mind, with the exception of our Eastern Orthodox brethren, no one else has a legitimate consecration, period. I add this proviso due to all those defacto-Protestants who call themselves "Catholic" (The Old Catholics, the Liberal Catholic Church, High Church Anglo-Catholics, etc). 

I'll also add that yes, Latin is a "dead language," and thank God for that.

Think about it... with those "dead" languages such as Liturgical Latin, Koine Greek, Aramaic, Ge'ez, Coptic, etc., the words don't change meanings. What is said is meant, and what's meant is said. 

"Hoc est enim Corpus meum" is Latin meaning "For this is My body." 

Anyhow, the words to the consecration can't change. They're set in stone.

However, "live" languages change, they evolve, they shift meanings. Just look at the words "bastard" and "gay." Just a few short generations ago, they certainly don't have the definitions as they do now.

Is it possible that "For this is my body" could change to "For this may be my body" or "For this could be my body". Of course it could.

Something else, while Latin had a nearly word-for-word translation to English, Spanish, French, etc., that's because they all are Indo-European languages. 

What of the non-Indo-European languages? Is there anything even close to Hoc est enim Corpus meum" in Japanese, Navaho, Wolof?  Of course not.

The reasons why the Second Vatican Council switched the most sacred words of the mass to supposedly "help the Church move into the 20th Century."

I'm calling bullshit on that. I'm of the opinion that the true reasons are a damn sight more sinister, if not downright diabolical.

If I learned anything from my career in the Marine Corps, it would be that if you're ever faced with two differing written orders, always fall back on the more stringent. 

Interesting Link Between Donald Trump and St. Joan of Arc

I have to admit it... I'm not really much of a fan of those drawings and photoshopped pics of Christ standing right alongside President Trump.

However, I do believe, as all Christians do, that God is omnipotent. The Most Blessed Trinity is simply present everywhere and in everything.

Those "Jesus posing with Trump" images give off a deification vibe of Pres. Trump. Almost as if Jesus is somehow handing off the baton to him. But that's just me.

Without a doubt, I know that Christ is the Savior of all mankind. As a citizen of the United States, I'm of the opinion that Trump is the savior of this nation. Yes, I realize there's a difference.

With all that aside, it was pointed out to me recently that on the date Trump was found guilty by a hyper-partisan kangaroo court, May 30 is also the Feast Day of St. Joan of Arc.

St. Joan happens to be the Patroness of;

• Those who stand and fight
• Those held prisoner unjustly
• Those who are mocked for their Faith

Coincidence? I think not.

 

Latest Eucharistic Congress Goes Full Face-Plant

 

Between the good folks over at Pew Polling, Zogby International, the JIFC (Judas Iscariot Fan Club, AKA: "The USCCB"), etc., the number of Baptized Catholics who "regularly" attend Mass (usually defined at twice a month or more) is somewhere between 10 to 20 percent.

Whie I'm talking about polling, the best guess estimation of that amazingly small number who actually believe that our Consecrated Host is the actual Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of our Lord, Jesus Christ coincidentally also falls in someplace between 10 to 20 percent.

I'll go with the higher numbers of both guesstimates. So even amongst those who attend the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass "regularly" (20 percent), at best, only 20 percent believe that Christ is present in the Eucharist. 

That means that AT BEST, a mere four percent of Catholics actually adhere to one of the more core Catholic beliefs.  

But wait, there's more. If we use the smaller numbers (10 percent), that means a whopping 1 percent believe in the reality of the Eucharistic Christ. Looking at both sets of numbers, I have just one question; "What the hell happened?"

But in all fairness, I'll cite from two different news sources that at least identify themselves as Catholic.

First up, from the Facebook page of Regina Magazine;

REPORT FROM THE FIRST EUCHARISTIC CONGRESS

Attended the first Eucharistic Congress event tonight in Bemidji MN. Barron was the keynote speaker to a sparse audience. Organizers expected 4000 attendees and less than 2500 showed. Caterwauling guitars heard throughout. Rock concert style Tshirts for sale.

Day 2 of the Eucharistic Convention - still waiting to hear the specific list of action items that will help restore belief in the Real Presence.

None presented.

They're spending $50 million for this?

Now some from a piece by reporter Jonathan Liedl of the National Catholic Register;

More than 3,000 people attended the Star of the North Eucharistic Congress May 17-18 in Bemidji, Minnesota, which featured testimonies on Eucharistic devotion, Adoration and Mass, and catechetical talks from prominent Catholic speakers like Bishop Robert Barron and Father Mike Schmitz.

Here's a few things I'd like to make note of;

• RM (Regina Magazine) noted this git-pickin' hootenanny was billed as drawing some 4,000 souls, but less than 2,500 actually showed.
• Yet the NCR (National Catholic Register) never mentions how many the organizers expected. But they did publish that "More than 3,000" rolled in.

Regardless of who you believe, for the kick-off of a major event like a Eucharistic Congress, setting a rather low attendance target is pretty pathetic, at best. But when attendance is closer to the total population of Indian Springs Village, Alabama, you know you dropped the ball.

Another interesting thing I noted is that RM quite openly asked what solid solutions our feckless leaders have proposed. The quick answer... no, no they haven't.

Sadly, NCR wasn't much better when it comes to the bishops having any real answers.

Nothing about when it comes to making the congregation more aware of the Real Presence by way of more harder hitting sermons, especially when it comes to the sin of receiving unworthily. 
Nothing concerning stressing the Real Presence with deeds such as;

• Extended hours for Confessions

• No more of the sacramental redundancy of receiving under both Sacred Species

• Of course, bringing back the paten and/or the communion rail

But what the NCR did reference the "love of the Eucharist was a thread that ran through the lives of " various Catholics.

Amongst those noted was "St. Edith Stein." Just so we all know, there is no such Catholic saint known as St. Edith Stein.

Just like there is no St. Bruno von Egisheim-Dagsburg. But there is a Pope St. Leo IX.

There is no St. Giuseppe Melchiorre Sarto. But there is a Pope St. Pius X.

To button this up, there is no St. Edith Stein. But there is a St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross.If the NCR can't even get the name of a recently canonized saint right, I'm finding it hard to accept their credibility when reporting on such heady topics such as the Eucharist.