Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Upchuck Weekly just may become a daily feature...

From NCR (if there were ever a Cave Blog Award... which is a funny visual... this one would take top honors for Worst "Catholic" "News" Source) arises another spew-worthy editorial. Where do they FIND these people??

Proof that most young people are idiots: Our Journey to Holy Union (emphases and comments mine)
By Kate Childs Graham, contributor to the "Young Catholics" page

About a month before Proposition 8 passed in California Nov. 4, taking away an array of human rights, and the U.S. bishops decided to team up with the Knights of Columbus to make the “preservation of marriage” one of its key focuses for the next five years, (how pig-headed of them!) my partner, Ariana, and I made our commitment to one another.

Our marriage was not "legal" by terms of the District of Columbia or the institutional Catholic church. Yet, in our eyes and in the eyes of our friends and family, our union is indeed holy. (Please. Define holy.)

As society has not yet defined the norms for our relationship the way it has for heterosexual couples, we had the freedom to be the architects of our own journey. Church of Me-Ism! Hooray! And so, when Ariana and I initially realized that we were building a lifelong partnership, we had the opportunity to choose whether or not we needed or wanted a ceremony to mark our commitment.

After many discussions, we decided that not only did we want to have a wedding ceremony in order to express our love and commitment to each other in the presence of the Creator, our friends and our family, but we also wanted to take the year before the ritual to traverse through our version of a Pre-Cana marriage preparation program.

Our Pre-Cana was quite different from the Pre-Cana courses that many heterosexual couples go through kicking and screaming. Because GOSH, when I'm thinking about making a life-long commitment to someone, the VERY LAST thing I want is someone with real experience suggesting ways to improve our chances of lasting in a world of divorce. GEEEEEZ. *kick* *flail* Diann Neu, co-founder and co-director of the Women's Alliance for Theology, Ethics, and Religion (WATER), walked with us through the journey.

She challenged us with questions we had not thought to ask or were afraid to ask. We discussed everything: finances, children (hint: you don't get to have any), fair fighting, spirituality and so on. We tackled the last-name debacle and settled on a combination of our mothers’ maiden names. (Because can you imagine having our FATHERS' names? PATRIARCHY!! OPPRESSION!!!) We came to new levels of understanding -- and, sometimes, new levels of misunderstanding.

After we had journeyed through several months of our Pre-Cana, realizing that the work of communication would never be finished, we turned our focus to our ceremony. Diann helped us understand that we were the priests of our wedding. (I'm not even touching this one. Your screens might explode. And we cavepeople haven't invented fire insurance yet.) With great care, we crafted every moment of the ceremony to reflect a delicate balance of Ariana’s Unitarian Universalist tradition (aha!) and my "Catholic" faith tradition.

We each chose a reading -- my pick was from the Book of Ruth (feminist literature this is NOT, but ok, twist Holy Scripture however you like. Your "wife" IS UU, after all), while her choice was Alice Walker’s “While Love Is Unfashionable.” The songs -- “Morning Has Broken,” “Water Is Wide” and “Swimming to the Other Side” -- each signified an important aspect of our relationship. With Diann’s expertise, we even managed to create a beautiful eucharistic prayer (AHHHH!!!!) that was inclusive of our faiths and the faiths of all who celebrated with us.

In the end, we had a ceremony that was truly us. (Note: no GOD in this equation, just these two "ladies.")

The year of preparation flew by and before we knew it our friends and family were arriving from all over the world for the affair. The ceremony, held at a local Swedenborgian church (who what now?), was everything we had imagined it would be from the moment our families lit the candles to our tear-filled exchange of vows to the closing prayer when our family and friends raised their hands to bless us. No prayer to Gaia/Diana/Rosie O'Donnell?

And, of course, no wedding would be complete without a party to follow. Because that's what weddings are all about. Bust out the free liquor! We led the parade of guests to a small restaurant around the corner for dinner. At the reception, folks shared songs and poetry, laughter and tears. Wait, that sounds a lot like a repeat of the ceremony... From the deep holiness of the ceremony (sorry, I missed that part of the story where you mentioned holiness ANYWHERE...) to the lighthearted humor and love of the reception, Ariana and I both felt blessed to have had the opportunity to marry one another surrounded by those closest to us.

In the days following our holy union, fully sated by our love and the love of our community, we did not necessarily feel any change in our relationship. For us (us us us! me me me!) , our marriage was and is about the journey, and the ceremony was one marker along the path. However, our story is just one of many. And surely, other stories will vary greatly, as what it means to be family comes in a multitude of shapes and sizes. Still, common themes will certainly arise — love, commitment, passion, devotion and so on. Oh yeah, and mortal sin.

Indeed, this past month has offered many challenges to the LGBTQ community and society at large. The institutional Catholic church and the state cannot take away our commitment to each other. However, as my legal right to marriage and family has been called into question, I have felt that attack on my life and the lives of my friends deeply.

My only hope is that these stumbling blocks on the road to justice will help open the dialogue, compel more people to tell their stories of love, and bring our church and our world closer to a discipleship of equals.

Oh, just GROSS. I'm not opposed to the idea of "civil unions" for whoever/whatever wants them... quite frankly it'd be nice to get health benefits for my dying laptop... but the idea that this idiot girl can (or wants to) claim "Pre-Cana" and "holy union" and "marriage" just makes me want to hurl.

The source features a picture of their "wedding" photo. It looks like a bad prom picture. The butch haircut doesn't help either.

Also, I would like to know where her "Catholicism" comes into play in this story AT ALL, other than some vague Jude0-Christian references and the fact that she's posting this sacrilege on a "Catholic" news website.


Blogger Vir Speluncae Orthodoxae said...

Is there a CaveWOMAN now? I know too many Cookies that's why I ask. Hey Cavey, FAB and PreVat2, do we have to change the blog name to "Catholic Cavepeople"?

Anywho, would someone please inform this little young CINO that she's going after the very use of nature and is obstinate in sin and heresy?

Keep 'em comin' Cookie!

1:08 PM  
Blogger Subvet said...


Would you please, PLEASE warn any readers of a need to duct tape their heads before reading posts like this? I think I've collected all my brains back in one pile but those stains on the walls & carpet are gonna be a ring-tailed b**** to get out!

1:48 PM  
Blogger Joe of St. Thérèse said...

You're all too right.

2:53 PM  
Blogger Vir Speluncae Catholicus said...

Bwahahahahahaha.... *pant*..... Bwahahahahahahaha.... *GASP!*........ Bwahahahahahaha..... aw hell!!!

I shore is glad I asked you to lash-up with us!

5:52 PM  
Blogger Agent Smith said...

Why is it always one beautiful woman and one butch woman?

6:19 PM  
Blogger Former Altar Boy said...

I would think after clown Masses, and Barney priests, nothing could shock me...but that this was printed in a so-called Catholic publication is a new low!

8:16 PM  
Blogger Viator Catholicus said...

"Arianna" the "Unitarian?" Talk about ironic!

But, did she say Pre-Cana??? Shouldn't they have a Pre-Gomorrah session? [And that's assuming Pre-Sodom sessions are for gay men.]

Fr. Roy "Excommunicated" Bourgeois recently plugged NCR on CNN. Then they carry stories like this...not that it is out of their style.

When he @#%& is the USCCB going to openly and clearly condemn that sanitary napkin of a paper?

Finally, I hate hearing things like "we want the right to marry." They already HAVE the right to marry. No one will stop Diann from marrying Ralp and Arianna from marrying Tod. The problem is that what they want to do is REDEFINE marriage. We can't let them pretend to make it an issue of rights.

9:07 PM  
Blogger Helen said...

Caveman, since lesbians and homosexuals are always insisting on "dialogue" re "marriage" please allow me to add my 2 cents to the "conversation" ~ SHUUUUUT UUUUUP!!!

10:11 PM  
Blogger Adrienne said...


12:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I honestly don't understand people like this. (Really, I'm not trying to be snide. I don't get it.) They obviously disagree with Church teaching. Not only that, they purposefully live contrary to Church teaching.

Given that, why do they insist on calling themselves Catholic? Why do they care to be called Catholic? Why not just join some other church that condones their behavior and be done with it, because that is what they have already done whether they realize it or not.

Cookie, I agree with you that this young lady has completely missed the boat on what purpose marriage serves. This is the Church of Me-ism indeed.

Which is worse, the Church of Me-ism or the Church of Relavitism? It's a toss up. Maybe they're the same thing.

9:18 AM  
Blogger TCN said...

I suppose someone should tell the happy couple that we DON'T HAVE TO MAKE UP THE CEREMONY TO EXCOMMUNICATE YOU! It has already been provided by OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR! Now QUIT CALLING YOURSELVES CATHOLIC! I can lift my leg on a tree but that doesn't make me a dog.

Sorry for the shouting, but apparently plain speaking is just not getting through to these obstinate sinners. Anybody seen the Catholic stick around? Somebody needs a whacking upside the head.

11:09 AM  
Blogger Simplex Vir said...

As a person who has a very close family member in a relationship like this and knowing the "partner" the way I do. There is no difference in attitude and demeanor than you would see in any roughneck in the oil industry. Which begs to wonder, why if you hate men, does your partner so closely resemble a man? Is it just that you don't like how the pieces fit?

9:41 PM  

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