Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Is This The Daughter Of Christ, Or The Painting On The Side Of A '73 Chevy Van?
The Magdelena
Helmet tip to Mr & Mrs NYPD

Yeah, I know it's just a comic book. If some so desire to buy it, go for it. I actually think this is mildly amusing. But I can't help but wonder how many functional illiterates are going to think this is true.

And I also can't help but wonder how many "Catholic" schools and catechism classes (or Religious Education, or whatever the hell it's called nowadays) will incorporate this latest novelty in the form of essays, book reports, etc. We've seen weirder coming out of today's new and improved Catholic school systems.

Here's a bit of info on this character; After the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ, Mary Magdalene, reputed to be his wife, gave birth to a daughter, Sarah. From this child is descended the holy lineage of the Magdalena, a royal bloodline that passes great power and great honor from mother to daughter. The Magdelena serves as the warrior and protector of the Catholic Church.

The Magdalena has the ability to see into the human heart, to show people the error of their ways and give them the choice to redeem their sins. There is only one in a generation, and she alone stands and takes arms against the evils of the world. Apart from the powers she is born with, the Magdalena wields the Spear of Destiny, the spear that pierced the side of Christ, as a holy and formidable weapon against the twisted and the evil.

Since the Middle Ages, the Roman Catholic Church has been the Magdalena's employer. They raise her from childhood and train her until she is ready to take hold of her destiny. It is the Inquisition, a secretive and mystical but powerful council of cardinals, that oversees the Magdalena's activities and chooses her missions.

[A further incarnation] was sent to investigate possible vampire killings in France. She found the vampires and discovered they were humans infected with a virus and saw they were not evil. She was killed by the soldiers of the Inquisition, the Garduna, for trying to prevent them from slaughtering the 'vampires'.
And never fear, evil "elite Swiss Guards" and even more "soldiers of the Inquisition" have recurring appearances trying to off our wonderful protector of the Catholic Church and her various gal pals.


Blogger ignorant redneck said...


3:02 AM  
Blogger LarryD said...

Fighting evil in a chastity thong. Great....

"The Magdalena has the ability to see into the human heart, to show people the error of their ways..."

I can see it now...."Poor sinner! You are still lusting....yes, I know you said you're sorry and seek forgiveness, but you're still lusting. Stop looking at me like that, you're STILL lusting! What's it gonna take for you to stop lusting?!?"

10:43 AM  
Blogger nypd green said...

Okay Caveman,

If larryd is not you posting under a pseudonym, then that man needs to be put into contention for funniest damn post of the year!

Reminder to self:
Do not talk a gulp of coffee before reading anything on this blog. It's real hard to clean off of your monitor when it's ejected past your lips in giddy hysterics!

12:10 PM  
Blogger Subvet said...

What a steaming pile of crappola. It might be a stupid question, I'll ask it anyway; "How come it's always the Catholics that get slammed like this? The Mormons, Muslims, Hindus & Baptists are never targets for this crap!"

12:58 PM  
Blogger Dymphna said...

Buffy the Vampire Slayer mixed with Dan Brown's garabage. Sigh.

1:01 PM  
Blogger Vir Speluncae Orthodoxae said...

*sigh* Can't even begin to take this mag even remotely seriously.

"I'll stop looking at your breasts if you'd just get them out of my face. My God it's like not looking at traffic!"

1:13 PM  
Blogger ignorant redneck said...


It's cause we're the coolest!

4:18 PM  
Blogger Alicia said...

If you think this is bad, you should check out the comic book Battle Pope.

1:00 AM  
Blogger byronfrombyron said...

And Beowulf is just a poem.

I would like to point out that comic book fans can't be functionally illiterate. They read. Actively. Yes, it's for fun, but they are reading, unlike something like 80-90% of the American public. They also know what fiction is and means, give them some credit. An illiterate person would take the existence of such a comic for the beliefs of the comic reading public. They read comics for stories and escape, largely, not reality. Comic book readers know fantasy when they see it. Do Catholic school officials?

I am not defending the comic, by the way. I am defending comic readers and writers. Before you say comics are kid's books, go read Road to Perdition, or Maus, both of which are heavily rooted in reality. The storytelling is vastly different from superhero and gal gazing books.

4:01 AM  
Blogger Vir Speluncae Catholicus said...

Lighten up, Francis. I don't think I ever said that all comic books were trash.... just this "Magdelena" series. Take a deep breath, and take the chip off your shoulder.

BTW, "Beowulf is just a poem"? Sure, and the roof of the Sistine Chapel is just a paint job.

4:33 AM  
Blogger Kit said...

Oy (from Illinois)!

Subvet, somehow I don't think a flying veiled chick in a bullet proof burqua has quite the "WOW" factor of a Catholic chick in a chastity thong...


(Still laughing....wait - still laughing...)

10:14 AM  
Blogger Kit said...

PS Cavey - "Lighten up Francis." Holy cow - LOL! Gotta crack that one out and watch it again. It's been a few years!

(Sorry if this is a clone...attacked by small Boy while typing, so delete as warranted)

10:18 AM  
Blogger LarryD said...

To nypd green:

I am not a pseudonym for caveman. I am not fit to blacken his charcoal to scrawl on the wall of his cave.

But thanks for the compliment! I'm humbled.

7:20 AM  

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