Thursday, July 17, 2008

Ahhh... The Modern Olympics
If you can't draw blood, it's not a real sport

WARNING!! This post is exceedingly Politically Correct. If un-PC comments upset you, I suggest you skip this post.

In the irrelevancy that is rapidly becoming the modern Olympics, I've noticed that they've retained Synchronized Swimming, but mercifully scratched Ballroom Dancing, Rhythmic Gymnastics and Ice Dancing. Does hope spring eternal for Rugby? Not a snowball's chance in hell.

And as far as National Olympic Committees are concerned... don't even get me started. Oops, too late. Why the hell am I subjected to former Soviet Republics such as Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, that no one can spell... more or less even find on a map? The only Stan I give a damn about is that Polack guy down the street who owes me $10.

And even though this'll piss off every Guamanian I'm related to, I still can't figure out why there are "nations" that aren't really nations fielding teams. Hey guys, and yes I'm talking to Guam, The Dutch Antilles, Puerto Rico, American Samoa, The British Virgin Islands, when you can issue passports, exchange ambassadors and declare war... then you're a real country. In the meantime, accept the fact that you're all essentially nothing more than the right answer on a Trivial Pursuit question.

Anyhow, here are some L o/t CC predictions for the upcoming goat-rodeo that is the Peking Olympics -

Using You Tank Treads To Squash Pro-Democracy Students Into A Greasy Stain - Being the only nation allowed to compete, China is expected to take the Gold.

Parental Guilt - Israel, Ireland, Italy. Win, place, show. A big day for the letter "I".

Bad Food - Great Britain, Great Britain, and then Great Britain. Jellied Eels, anyone?

Dropping Everything And Run Screaming Like A Little Girl In The Other Direction (50m - 100 m - Marathon) - France. Was there ever a doubt?

The Boombox/Color TV Dash - Puerto Rico. PR isn't expected to do well in of the other Track & Field events, though. Something to do with platform shoes. "Why ju look a' me like dat? Ju so stoooopid!"

Pole Vaulting - Newcomer People's Democratic Republic of San Francisco is the heavy favorite. Don't ask.

10 Comments:

Blogger The Rockin' Traddy said...

Ha! I was hoping that pole vaulting was going to have something to do with the more effeminate members of the male sex. Good work!

10:21 AM  
Blogger Dad29 said...

Since Italy will cease to exist as a country somewhere around 2080 due to the lack of reproduction, how in Hell can they show in a "parental guilt" contest?

There are NO PARENTS there--or there would be children.

12:38 PM  
Blogger Vir Speluncae Orthodoxae said...

Wrestling legend Terry Funk explained to some NACSAR guy what real sports are. It was something like, "Listen son, all real sports came from ancient times: Ancient man ran for his life, ancient man swam for his life, and ancient man fought for his life. He sure as Hell didn't drive around a track in a little buggy."

2:14 PM  
Blogger Simplex Vir said...

VSO, you are quoting Terry Funk!?? Are you kidding me!

That is the funniest thing I have heard all week.

Wasn't Jimmy "Superfly" Shnooka from American Somoa.

Good stuff! VSO, you are my hero, quoting Terry Funk! Laugh Riot!

5:49 PM  
Blogger Joe of St. Thérèse said...

PRSF, LOL!, let's just cancel the olympics, it's not too late...If you're anti-Political Correctness like me, lol

6:15 PM  
Blogger Vir Speluncae Orthodoxae said...

Not an exact quote SV, but I think it's in Mick Foley's first book. I was in the business for three years, mostly as a referee. My job was to pass messages and make sure I never catch the bad guy cheating. Snuka is from Fiji, and his son is one of Deuce and Domino. Look up "Terry Funk finds a sissy" on youtube.

Can't one be a Trad/Orthodox Christian and like rasslin'?

8:43 PM  
Blogger B.A. Kemple said...

I think if radical Muslims had tank treads, they'd squash pro-democracy students.

Also women.

And any Christians they could find too.

Maybe we should give them tanks in the name of international sporting comradery...?

12:53 AM  
Blogger Al said...

I can answer Dad29's question about Italia. It is simple, they still have a few nonne vecchie (old grannies) over there that have honed the skills needed. Given that fact it explains why they came in 3rd rather than 1st as they should have.

3:04 AM  
Blogger Paul, just this guy, you know? said...

Bad Food - Great Britain, Great Britain, and then Great Britain. Jellied Eels, anyone?

I note that the silver medal actually went to a Scotsman. Haggis, anyone?

2:36 PM  
Blogger Simplex Vir said...

VSO, you have just made it on my most impressive list.

Yes you can be both, matter of fact, I have wanted to employ the sleeper on several of my fellow Catholics when they refuse to kneel.

Jim Cornette is a sissy!

Well I bet you had some fun being a ref!

5:15 PM  

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