Monday, October 12, 2009

Beatin' The Odds
Is there anything DingleBarry can't do?

WARNING! Crude Humor Alert!

What other cash and prizes can the former Party Stooge from the south side of Chi-Town win for simply not being George W. Bush?

1. The Presidency. Check.

2. The Nobel Peace Prize. Check.

3. Dancing With the Stars. A shimmy shy.

4. His image on a stamp. No, not the welfare kind.

5. Time magazine's Man of the Year. Winner by default.

6. His own show on the Fox Network's vaunted Sunday night line-up. The Cleveland Show sucks. Must be replaced by a Black guy. OK, half Black.

7. A World Series ring. Just as soon as he learns not to plow furrows in front of the dish. Rag arm.

8. Canonization. Well, Molokai IS close to Honolulu.

9. His very own Rocky, Indiana Jones, Superman, Halloween, Speed, Nightmare on Elm Street, Rambo or Scream sequel. A perfect vehicle for those whose careers end before they really begin.

10. A Playboy spread. If brain-dead Kendra and blue-haired Marge can do it...

11. A guest spot on The Dog Whisperer. Watch with morbid fascination as the Secret Service gang tackle Cesar as he attempts to smack the Chief Executive on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

12. The Kentucky Derby. Give it time.

13. A spot on the FBI's Most Wanted List. No, that's what mentors are for.

14. An invite to be one of the contributors on The Lair of the Catholic Cavemen. Yeah... right.

15. The captaincy of the next Space Shuttle mission. The jig is up. (Aww, c'mon, don't get pissed. That's funny. I don't care who you are.)

16. Notch number 1,001 on Ted Kennedy's bedpost. Too soon?

17. The Westminster Kennel Club's Best in Show. Right after he wins the Kentucky Derby.

18. ¡Al anfitrión de la huésped Sábado Gigante! ¡Madre de Dios!

19. Become the fifth Beatle. Get back, Billy Preston. Get back to where you once belonged.

20. The Carnegie Deli names a sandwich after him. The BO. A pork-filled non-pork sammich that has more filler than a Mexican hot dog. Reportedly smells worse than vomited Limburger cheese that has been defecated on by a dead crack whore.

4 Comments:

Blogger Al said...

For number 10 would he be sandwiched between Michelle & Oprah???

For # 15: LOL

#4: Under current law because he is President he would have to be dead a year before getting on a stamp rather than the 10 yrs for others. Now I am not suggesting anything other than they would have to change the law to allow it while he was still alive.

& while we are at it, why not on every denomination of paper currency & coins as well???

#9: You mean we aren't living in a Nightmare on Elm Street sequel?

Finally, for # 14: I'll expect that to happen only after all of you are captured, put in a reeducation camp & he takes over the internet. Otherwise, as you so rightly put it "Yeah... right."

7:18 AM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

Fuuuuuuuny!!!

3:11 PM  
Blogger TH2 said...

One more... howz about "President of the Internet", succeeding Al Gore.

7:22 PM  
Blogger Greta said...

How about the Preparation H Golden Suppository Award for the person who pulled more new money out of his ass than anyone in history. Second in the race for this award was Nancy Pelosi who was handicapped as the skin on her ass was so tightly pulled up over her head.

9:03 PM  

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