Saturday, February 14, 2009

2009 Confirmation Test
by your local Church of Meism

First this test is multiple choice, there are three wrong answers and one correct answer. You will get credit for answers in two parts. First if you circle anything, even a wrong answer you get 50% of the point value for that question. If you circle the correct answer you get all the point value plus another 2 points for being right.

Most questions will revolve around the two commandments by the guy with beard in that picture in grandma's house; love everybody unless they don't love you, and go to church on Christmas and Easter.

The purpose of this test is to evaluate the understanding you have of your Faith and determine if you are prepared to pass on to the adult level where you don't need to be at Church every week because you already know so much. Remember this is a hard test, we need it to be hard to make sure you are a going to be a good Catholic. Good Luck!

1. Do you have to drive to get to Church?
a. Yes
b. No
c. My Daddy drives, I am not old enough
d. Mommy drives because she divorced my Daddy

2. What is the first thing a person should do in preparing for Mass?

a. Think of something to stand up and tell everyone during introductions
b. Talk to my friend about the pajama party we had last night
c. Walk around and say hi to everyone I know
d. Pray Father's homily is not too long

3. The Holy Father Pope Benedict is the leader of the Catholic Church, except;

a. When he says things we don't like
b. When he talks too much about homosexual behavior
c. We don't need the Pope we have the USCCB
d. When he says women can't be Priests

4. The judging of others is never acceptable, so when can you judge another?

a. When they are trying to stop abortion
b. When they want me to kneel at Mass
c. If they are homeschooling
d. If they are wearing one of those lacy things on their head at Mass

5. Essay question (write anything and you get this one right).

How does it make you feel when go to Mass and someone does not want to take your hand during the Our Father Prayer? (Extra credit if you can name some names)

Of course this is all in jest but the more I think about the paltry job we do educating our kids in the Faith this does not seem all that far fetched. I will be honest, I taught for about three years at my current parish and got burned out. Before that I taught for five years at my previous parish which was a much worse experience. The kids don't try, the parents don't care, and fathers just aren't involved enough. When I want to walk up one side and down the other I can't because it is just their mother showing up. I am a mean guy but not enough to admonish a mother. Especially since the Father is to blame.

The other disheartening thing is to see your work be thrown aside after confirmation as the kid stops coming. Fathers need to get their sorry asses in gear and step up to the plate. If your Church ain't doing it right, then do it at home. Your kid's SOUL depends on it, or have you forgotten that too!


Blogger Adrienne said...

Been there done that (as you know), and you hit that old nail right on the head.

So I quit this year and the new "teachers" are making everything relevant - or some such thing. And what am I getting? Emails from the kids begging me to come back. They really miss being waled on.

Guess what? They REALLY DON'T WANT TO PLAY GAMES! They want someone to teach them the truth. Oh well - after nine years I just can't do it anymore. I can't even step foot in that church anymore. Thank goodness one of the other churches in our cluster is about the same distance.

3:05 AM  
Blogger Al said...


More evidence that the best humor is based on truth. In this case, unfortunately.

On the other hand, given the homilies I usually have to endure at my parish answer d to question 2 with 1 slight variation would be acceptable in my case. d. Pray that the homily isn't too long & that God gives me the grace to keep from standing up in the middle of it & telling him where he is wrong. (although a priest friend of mine did once say that, at the worst, doing so would be a venial sin, at the worst.)

Of course if this was for a real confirmation class the questions would be a lot easier than the ones you have here.

8:08 AM  
Blogger Vir Speluncae Orthodoxae said...

We're doing our best to make sure this doesn't happen in our yard. There are some incidents but so far it's just that, Russia's renaissance notwithstanding.

10:21 AM  
Blogger Former Altar Boy said...

"Of course this is all in jest"

Maybe, but not by much. I was asked to assist teaching a confirmation class some years ago. The kids were primarily high school, so one might assume 8 years of CCD or toher religions instruction. Did they know the marks of the Church? Fruits of the Holy Spirit? The name of our bishop? Nope, not a one. They couldn't tell me ONE of the Ten Commandments. But the "shepherd" of this flock allowed pop songs to be sung during Mass and was more concerned about tearing out pews in the back of the church to create a "gathering place" for pre-Mass fellowship.

11:36 AM  
Blogger TCN said...

Adrienne: I feel your pain. Our DRE has set us up to teach "minicourses," so we get all of 4 hours with any one set of kids and then they are off to another class. They can slide and shirk and act like the little slugs they are and never hear a discouraging word. Makes imparting any knowledge or spirituality pretty much impossible. But, we try. We are only 4 years in at this parish, so I guess we have 5 years left before we explode.

God Bless You for trying, at least.

11:47 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

Late to the party, but I just have to say... I went through this as a Sunday School teacher at my (Protestant) church. Before I started the first year, I asked our rector what he wanted them to get out of it. He said that he wanted them to have enough of a base that they came back to the church after leaving it sometime in college. And this was considered great practical wisdom. Why not work to make sure they don't leave, instead of just accepting the falling-off as inevitable?

11:18 PM  

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