Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Years Resolutions I Fully Intend To Break...
And how long it'll take me

1. Cutting some slack to Barack Hussein Stoogus Maximus Obama. That resolution won't make it to the end of me typing out this posting.

2. It's time to stop trying to rationalize my sins by telling my Father Confessor - "...but Father! He deserved it!". This one could take quite a while. It's become a battle of wills between me and my priest.

3. It's time to stop teaching "my kids" lines from Scarface and Full Metal Jacket (for those that didn't know, I work with disabled kids). This resolution shouldn't even be seriously considered as long as my boyish charm keeps working on the Center Director.

4. Whenever I get into an argument with the House Sergeant Major, I've gotta stop walking over to my framed picture of Lt. Gen. Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC (ret) and yelling to him - "Chesty, SHE'S PISSIN' ME OFF AGAIN!!". That' resolution'll last until she pisses me off again.

5. I really must stop my practice of driving by the more liberal-minded Novus Ordo Self-Worshipitoriums and crossing myself saying "...if You're really present, Lord". This resolution should actually last quite a long time. At least until I actually drive by one of 'em.

6. To become more rational, more empathetic, more caring towards those who disagree with my ecclesiastical beliefs, world view and overall opinions. I've got to strive to get more in touch with other people's feelings, especially my own... even more so, my femenine ones.
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BWAHAHAHAHA.... *pant, pant*... BWHAHAHAHAHA... *oh shit, you're killin' me, Smalls!*... BWAHAHAHAHA...*cough, cough*... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

8 Comments:

Blogger Joe of St. Thérèse said...

hahahahahahaha

12:36 AM  
Blogger David Nandell said...

You almost lost a reader with number 6.

I don't need anymore "touchy feely" in my life.

Happy New Year

David Nandell

8:44 AM  
Blogger TCN said...

Nothin' like a little will power....

Like my confessor said, "Lord's name in vain AGAIN? Just say "Banana" will you please?"

So, banana it is, and people think I'm insane. Oh, how we suffer for being Catholics. ;)

9:18 AM  
Blogger Cookie said...

Ha! "But Father, he DESERVED it!" is also one of my favorite excuses.

And as far as #5 goes - get a road map, draw all the worshipitoriums on it (little skulls-and-crossbones might work nicely), and devise a new route! Sounds good to ME, anyway. At least with Protestant worshipitoriums, we can flip certain fingers (like I do every time I pass my crazy high school/church)... Although that might merit a mention during Confession.

9:24 AM  
Blogger Smiley said...

Number 6 - lol

10:38 AM  
Blogger Vetus Melius Est said...

Caveman, you and Cookie may find a little more compassion from your father confessor if you would just use the proper plural endings of Latinate words while confessing your sins (i.e., more than one "worshipitorium" would be "worshipitoria").

Just a thought. ;-)

12:10 PM  
Blogger Dymphna said...

Say hello to my leetle friend....

I didn't choose this life, this life chose me.... Scarface left it's mark on all of us.

2:09 PM  
Blogger ignorant redneck said...

Hmmmmm....Cavey, I gotta say this about your thingy with the N. O. places--I sometimes myself have wondered if there was a real mass, or if I had just spend a sunday hour wishing I had gone to Mass.

Never seen Scareface.

Dmmit--If you got a poster of Chesty Puller, I'm gettin' one of Slim Jim Gavin!

9:21 PM  

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