How To Deal With Telemarketers
Caveman style
Idea stolen from Paramedic Girl at Salve Regina.
How my dear old dad (May God rest his soul) dealt with 'em --
Telemarketer: May I speak with Paul XXXX?
Cavedad: *sniffling* I'm sorry, this is Paul's brother. Paul just died.
Telemarketer : *stunned silence*
Cavedad: Does this mean you'll take us off your list?
Telemarketer: Of course, sir!
Cavedad: Thank you ever so much. *Dad hangs up and laughs hysterically for a full 30 seconds*
How Mrs. Caveman deals with 'em --
Telemarketer: May I speak with Mr. XXXX?
Mrs. Caveman: No... he's in rehab right now.
Telemarketer: *somewhat taken aback* May I speak to you, Ma'am?
Mrs. Caveman: I'd love to talk to ya, sugar, but I've got a hangover that's killing me! Just take us off your list, OK? And as she hangs up, she says towards the phone (ensuring the telemarketer can hear her) God, I need a beer! *Mrs Caveman laughs hysterically for a full 30 seconds*
Caveman style
Idea stolen from Paramedic Girl at Salve Regina.
How my dear old dad (May God rest his soul) dealt with 'em --
Telemarketer: May I speak with Paul XXXX?
Cavedad: *sniffling* I'm sorry, this is Paul's brother. Paul just died.
Telemarketer : *stunned silence*
Cavedad: Does this mean you'll take us off your list?
Telemarketer: Of course, sir!
Cavedad: Thank you ever so much. *Dad hangs up and laughs hysterically for a full 30 seconds*
How Mrs. Caveman deals with 'em --
Telemarketer: May I speak with Mr. XXXX?
Mrs. Caveman: No... he's in rehab right now.
Telemarketer: *somewhat taken aback* May I speak to you, Ma'am?
Mrs. Caveman: I'd love to talk to ya, sugar, but I've got a hangover that's killing me! Just take us off your list, OK? And as she hangs up, she says towards the phone (ensuring the telemarketer can hear her) God, I need a beer! *Mrs Caveman laughs hysterically for a full 30 seconds*
posted by Kevin Whiteman at
6:41 AM
4 Comments:
Here's how we deal with them:
Me: Are you selling something?
TM: No, Ma'am, we just want you to take advantage of...
Me: Can you call back on the 1st? Cause that's when the welfare check comes in.
TM: Silence... or more protests that they are not selling something
Me: You better call in the morning before Billy drinks it all up. You've got my number.
Hang up.
Sometimes I mix it up a little, and tell them I'm Amish, vacation packages are the work of the devil, and I better get off this contraption before Jedidiah comes home.
The first scenario (with Cavedad) works great with bill collectors too.
BMP
Here's how one of my friends used to deal with them:
TM: Hi, can I speak with Teresa XXXX?
Teresa: Speaking.
TM: I wondered if you would be interested in...(whatever they were marketing at the time)
Teresa: No, I'm not interested in that, but if you have a minute, I would love to take the opportunity to talk to you about the love of Jesus...
*TM hangs up*
Good humour, everyone! Another idea I'm going to try is this:
Me: I'm sorry, I don't really have time to talk right now.
TM: When would be a good time?
Me: Well, are you a telemarketer?
TM: Yes, ma'am. I am.
Me: Well, I don't think there will ever be a good time to call back, then.
Said sweetly, of course. Click.
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