'Confiteor' Meme

Peter over at L.A. Catholic, and Fidei Defensor have motivated me to pass on the Meme Confession. What do YOU have to confess?

I confess that I have every line to The Quiet Man memorized.

I confess that I have accused certain priests of being Sodomite-Friendly.

I confess to crying at movies. Who amongst us didn't cry when the Drill Instructor got shot in Full Metal Jacket?

I confess to refering to certain ultra-liberal parishes by made up and rather insulting names, such as Innacurate Deception and St. Missed The Mark.

I confess that my home repair kit being a ball peen hammer and a roll of duct tape.

I confess to interrogating my daughter's boyfriend with a ball peen hammer and a roll of duct tape.

I confess I blamed my wife for "shrinking" all my clothes. (sure! I'd love a third helping of mashed potatoes!)

I confess that during weaker moments, I refered to my beloved Corps as "U.S.M.C. -- Unlimited S**t, Mass Confusion".

I confess mumbling my way through portions of certain songs where I'm not quite sure of the lyrics, then screaming the words I do know in the hopes that I've just fooled everyone into believing that I really do know all the words.

I confess to watching the sit-com "Wings" just to see Crystal Bernard's butt.

I confess to using the Latin language incorrectly just to make me sound smart. (we all know that Latin for "Bag The Day" is "Carpe Scrotum"... right?)

I confess that while I was on D.I. Duty, I never thumped a recruit... who didn't deserve it.

I confess to tapping the gas nozzle against the opening of the gas tank, just so I can get EVERY LAST DROP of gas. Why is it only guys who do that? Must be something urinary.

Speaking of urine, I confess to peeing into a jar on many a coast-to-coast drive.

I confess to not picking up the dog crap in my back yard because I rationalized it as "it's fertilizing the grass".

I confess to refering to the USCCB as the Judas Iscariot Fan Club